14 DAY TRIAL // Couples in which one of the partners exhibits high levels of relationship-contingent self-esteem (RCSE) may be placed under unnecessary strain, recent scientific studies show. Too much emotional weight placed in the relationship can scare the other partner away, or create uncomfortable situations that do more harm than good. This research was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
"Individuals with high levels of RCSE are very committed to their relationships, but they also find themselves at risk to become devastated when something goes wrong – even a relatively minor event. An overwhelming amount of the wrong kind of commitment can actually undermine a relationship," explains University of Houston assistant professor of psychology, Chip Knee, who is also the director of the university's Interpersonal Relations and Motivation Research Group.
"What we found with this particular study was that people with higher levels of RCSE felt worse about themselves during negative moments in their relationships. It's as if it doesn't matter why the negative occurrence happens or who was at fault. The partners with stronger RCSE still feel badly about themselves," the researcher adds.
The main issue related to those with RCSE is that they are unable to separate themselves from the relationship, in that they take any problem that the other partner brings to the table personally, and become depressed, anxious, or even hostile. They are unable to take a step back and analyze the situation calmly, but, instead, get tangled in endless talks and end up feeling bad about themselves.
Even the most common misunderstandings that occur in a personal relationship are very likely to influence the overall mood of the partner with high levels of relationship-based self-esteem, which manifests most intensely after big fights, break-ups or divorces. Their mood becomes sulky at best, and, in some extreme cases, they resort to hurting or killing themselves.