14 DAY TRIAL // The Romanians have been waiting for the Americans to come since the second world war, when the population hoped that they would liberate us from the soviet army who had freed us from the Germans, an army that raped?sorry, I meant to say saved, all there was to save around these parts: women, men, hens and so on.
Obviously, the Russians loved the Romanian hospitality; in fact, they loved it so much that they stayed here until 1958.
This year was followed by a relative opening towards the west, which culminated in 1964 with the release of many political prisoners from prisons and concentration camps. In March, 1965, Gheorghiu Dej dies, the communist party remaining without a leader. And who else to take his place than the "Visionary" and "The People's Most Beloved Son", a shoemaker's apprentice with four grades, young Nicolae Ceausescu.
If by 1971, things were relatively calm, the Supreme Leader managing to keep the population under control by satisfying their basic needs, after he visited China and North Korea, Ceausescu started the process of transforming his system after the North-Korean model, his mentor being the President Kim Il Sung.
It was in this period that the Romanians started to miss the Americans once again, because it's a well-known fact that a Romanian always expects others to fix his problems. Why should we fight the system? The Americans will come and take care of everything. Only a handful of Romanian intellectuals, Paul Goma being one of the best known, fought the system. And the rest? The rest settled with listening to Radio Free Europe, telling forbidden jokes and dreaming at the day when our beloved Americans would come.
Unfortunately for us, the cocktail of fear and ignorance caused another 18 years to pass before we were able to get rid of Ceausescu and his sinister wife, who had put the Romanian Intelligence Service through the ordeal of obtaining numerous scientific diplomas whenever the couple visited foreign countries. And not even today do we know for sure if outside elements, especially the CIA, didn't contribute to the overthrowing of the communist regime.
I don't know if it's worth talking about what happened after 1989, when after a communist, we elected another communist to lead us, because in case you didn't know, besides fear and ignorance, the Romanian people suffer from another 'terminal' disease: amnesia. Let's get one thing straight. I don't think that we are the most imbecile creatures on Earth, but I am stunned to notice how my peers forget the red-stained past of the leaders we keep on voting.
Ok, for the sake of the demonstration, we shall consider that we got rid of the communists and that all of our politicians are spotless.
After 1989, when we became free (a poorly understood notion), we adopted the same behavior as the one we had during Ceausescu. Why should we bother with the country's problems and make an effort to get Romania out of the mud of all those years of communisms? The Americans will come and take care of us. Still, to make their arrival more pleasant, we can make them feel right at home. This is how we started to adopt US holidays, Halloween, Valentine's Day and others. Because that's what we needed, more holidays!
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Today, we have for you a famous porridge recipe: you take some US holidays and you mix them with Romanian mentalities and poor taste. You shake the asses, breasts and bulges and you eat it until you puke.
Eventually, the Americans came. At first some small investors, then the stars, then President Bush, followed by some more stars. And while on the subject, I believe I should remind you of Mike Tyson's visit here. He came, he saw and he copulated. For me it's difficult to understand how people can lose their dignity when some second-hand stars visit them and how they make a national event out of a decayed US boxer's goal of coming to Romania and testing some seaside bimbos.
Finally, after all these adventures, the Americans brought their army and their top-notch bases filled with Marines. Excellent! Now, they will start improving our infrastructure and tend to our every need.
But surprise! Instead of doing our job, they give us a bitter sample of our mentality. The incident with the US Marine who killed the Compact band bass player, Teo Peter, showed the less pleasant part of having the United States on our soil. And just like we've done so many times, we changed our point of view. The Americans are all pigs. You call that justice? How was it possible for Robert Cristopher van Goethem to only be charged with obstruction of justice?
Well, I'll tell you how. Just as easy as a Japanese investor being killed by a stray dog's bite, and not in the middle of nowhere, but in central Bucharest.