Loch Ness Monster Found Using Apple Maps – Report

The Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie, a long-surviving plesiosaur thought to still be swimming in the waters of Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands, was reportedly sighted during a routine check of the loch using Apple Maps satellite imagery.

Considering how Apple Maps started off – molten streets and cascading buildings in 3D Flyover – you’d instantly blame these pictures on a software glitch. But no. Apparently there was no glitch this time around.

“Experts” at the Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club (yeah, they have that) say they’ve been looking at these images for six months straight. “We’ve been looking at it for a long time trying to work out exactly what it is,” Club President Gary Campbell said, according to The Daily Mail.

“It looks like a boat wake, but the boat is missing. You can see some boats moored at the shore, but there isn’t one here. We’ve shown it to boat experts and they don’t know what it is,” he said. “Whatever this is, it is under the water and heading south, so unless there have been secret submarine trials going on in the loch, the size of the object would make it likely to be Nessie.”

A cloaked Romulan vessel is probably just as likely, but I’ll admit no one can really say for sure if there’s something or other in that lake that we haven’t catalogued yet. Plus that wake really does seem to be drawing some huge flippers there, doesn’t it?

One thing is certain though. This “creature” has managed to elude any form of visual / audio / digital recording that can claim legitimacy for the past 80 years or so.

“Now that we have spies in the skies above Loch Ness, maybe we will get more sightings which will whet the appetite of more down to earth Nessie hunters to come north,” added Campbell.

Nessie is thought to be an animal that somehow cheated at least one mass extinction, several continental drifts and multiple ice ages for the past 145 million years. That’s how down-to-earth these “hunters” are. This dwarfs even Herman Melville’s epic sea story of Captain Ahab's voyage in pursuit of Moby Dick.

According to the aforementioned tabloid, the location of the sighting was just south of Dores. Strangely, the report states that the image “could only be viewed on some iPads and iPhones.” Those with damaged displays, I assume.

Look, folks. I know that lake is big and there’s a small chance it houses an animal that we haven’t yet shaken flippers with. But if we’re finding life in 5-mile-long abysses in the oceans, what are the chances that Loch Ness hasn't already given up all its secrets by now?

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