14 DAY TRIAL // I can almost hear you guys saying: oh, no! Not again about flashing! And, yet, here I go again because, just like anyone else, we too must make a chart that will show what was hot and what was not in the 06. And, as far as 'Fashion Police' goes, flashing was definitely in, and out was the kind of behavior one would normally expect from any decent human being (not to mention a celebrity - a person who spends half of his/her entire lifetime, if not more, in front of a camera).
As you too have seen, last year was filled with photos of stars (most of them women, of course) who left all inhibitions aside, together with their common sense and possibly the little scattered brains they still had. Now, what I'm about to do should offend no one and especially not women (because I said that most flashers were female) and the reason is simple: people like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Bai Ling, Katie Price (aka Jordan), Courtney Love and many others are not to be analyzed and judged by the classic double standard of sex. No, they all stand alone, each separate in their own private world, where they probably fancy themselves queens and other royalties.
Getting back to our sheep, I was saying that 2006, like no other year, proved to be more than abundant in pictures of stars' intimate parts, be it a nipple, the whole boob, the ass, crotch or pantyless genitalia. If that's a sign of what our world is heading towards, it's not my place to say and neither is the time right for such serious topics. Today, we are going to approach a more 'entertaining' and light topic ('light' as in 'easy', just like the starlets that generated it): a top of 'Fashion Police' offenders.
Also, I imagine that, from the moment you saw the heading of this piece, you instinctively knew that Britney Spears' name would come up. After all, she is the most talked about celeb these days, so I honestly don't see why today should be an exception. But all in due time... we'll get to Brit Brit soon enough.
So, starting our countdown, we have:
#5 - Actress Bai Ling
Many still don't know who Bai is but the readers of the Softpedia News 'Fashion Police' category are well aware that she is one of my favorites. Tabloids love her too because, whenever Bai pops up, other things also pop... out, that is. In other words, she is just one of those 'stars' who have little to show for their reputation, but who get lots of media coverage for their behavior while at social gatherings.
One time, I said that no matter what, no matter when, Bai shows boobs and, all throughout the year, she did her best not to disappoint her 'fans'. Truth be told, she never flashed anything else other that her breasts and for that, sadly, she lands only on the number five position in the 2006 flashers chart. Either way, she made it here after being offered several points for being persistent and that's a lot!
Here are just four instances when Bai showed off the girls while out clubbing or posing on the red carpet. What more could I say? She is just perfect and I hope 2007 will change her little. Click HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE for photos and the accompanying articles.
# 4 - Glamour model Katie Price/ Jordan
Another one of my personal favorites. You see, while Jordan tries to make a serious impression on people and to leave her mark in history, her very words become ridiculous as she just can't hide that which she truly is. Let us not forget that, behind that pretty and apparently innocent smile and millions in the bank account, lies the story of a girl who rose to fame not through her intellectual abilities or skills but because she was 'brave' enough as to have her breasts augmented time and time again.
She can try her hand at writing books, creating perfumes, launching lingerie lines and recording music, but Jordan will always remain that woman who looks great in photos and to whom you do not wish to sit down and have a grown-up talk. You want to look at her, size her up and, eventually, undress her in your mind. So, no matter what she does, few are those who are willing to take her seriously.
And there's yet another impediment here: how can anyone do that (meaning, take her seriously) when she is all over the place, with her huge boobies and spreading legs? You can't go all serious on someone when they are showing you that part 'down there', matched with a heart tattoo, can you? For that, I say she deserves to be at number four and you can see her in all her splendor HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.
#3 - Actress Lindsay Lohan
I don't even now if the term 'actress' can be applied to our freckled one any more, especially as 2006 was for her more about partying than about anything else. Sure, that's not to say that she didn't shoot for any movie at all, it's just that her acting was highly overshadowed by her other... ahem... stuff.
Over the summer, there was this frenzy on all the celebrity blogs over Lindsay in bikinis, seeing that she spent most of the time lying in the sun. But the real madness didn't begin until she went to the Venice Film Festival and showed the entire world how she likes her pussy: shaved off completely and without any restrictive underwear whatsoever!
Like a good little party girl that she is, Lohan repeatedly flashed her vagina, boobies and ass and the mere thought that she is only 20 (and yet has achieved so much!) would make anyone go green with envy. Instead of fretting over it, I say we should all wish her a Happy New Year, better luck in 2007 in terms of love affairs and life choices and, why not?, more mature behavior.
Photos HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.
#2 - Whatever-comes-to-mind Paris Hilton
You see, the hardest thing about the heiress is to try to categorize her like I did to the other three runner-ups and that's not because she doesn't do anything for a living but because she does so much (I am laughing my pants off right now, as I'm writing this)! But, then again, there will always be one thing that people will never forget about the blonde and that is that she was the one to set this trend of vagina flashing among celebrities.
Indeed, Paris was the first to show her pussy while going commando to the cameras of the paparazzi. Imagine this: when she put out a music album and it totally sucked, everyone was quick to point a finger at her but did anyone give her credit for setting such a lovely trend? Did anyone praise her fashion(less) leader qualities and her precise intuition about what would become the hottest thing of the past year??? Hell, no!
For that, as some sort of belated compensation, we'll give her the second spot in the flashers chart. She needs some appreciation after all that hard work of showing us her pretty breasts and her no less pretty coochie... oh, and for showing all the other celebrities out there how it's done! See it HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.
#1 - (Former) Singer Britney Spears
This first spot just had to go to Brit Brit and you probably guessed it from the start. Who else could wear the crown of the biggest flasher of 2006 and deserve it so much at the same time? Don't get me wrong, Paris should have been in her stead, but the surprise (the shock, more likely) was so big for the fans of the 'Toxic' singer (and to the entire world at large) that she easily outranked Mrs. Hilton.
Enough has been said about Spears to last us not one, but two lifetimes. Yet, I'll say something more: honestly, I never saw this one coming. I mean, I used to read about her and about her more 'country' ways (stuffing her face with Cheetos until she puked, dressing like a clown and walking barefoot in public restrooms), but I thought 'Hey, that's who she is and we have to accept it!'.
But, somewhere down the line, Britney seems to have lost everything that still tied her to the real world, as she began her downward spiral while clubbing and allegedly getting drunk like a regular truck driver. She began to dress like a slut anyone can 'buy' for ten bucks at the corner of the street - no bras, no panties, no shame... no problems! On more than four counts, she was photographed without her knickers, not caring, not trying to cover herself up, basically, not giving a flying f**k. And that is why she is numero uno! Hopefully, she will be back to her old self in 2007 because it's a shame when you beat Paris at 'who's the bigger bimbo' contest. Pics HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.
And with that, we finish our countdown. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I have putting it down... really, some of today's celebs are really laughable. Also, notice that I had to omit other genuine flashing starlets, like Tara Reid, Pamela Anderson, Courtney Love and many more, because the chart would have been too long had I included them all. Still, you can see them here, in the 'Fashion Police' category. By the way, a Happy New Year to you all!
