14 DAY TRIAL // Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog predicting early spring this year, is in hot water for leading everyone to believe that the weather would be warm by now.
A Washington Post report indicates that Butler County, Ohio prosecutor Michael Gmoser has decided to indict the rodent for deliberately misleading us and warns fans that he is going after the death penalty in his case.
“This is a story that has legs. [...] I hope everyone understands it’s tongue-in-cheek,” he says.
Nevertheless, he has filed a complaint accusing Phil of premeditating the crime which, without further classification, is listed as the “Unclassified Felony” of “misrepresentation of early spring.”
“On or about February 02, 2013, at Gobbler’s Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early.
“Contrary to the Groundhog day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future, which constitutes the offense of misrepresentation of early spring, a Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio.
“The people further find and specify that due to the aggravating circumstances and misrepresentation to the people that the death penalty be implemented to the defendant, Punxsutawney Phil,” the indictment reads.
Gmoser adds that, if this were to be a real trial, he would be ruthless with the groundhog, having experienced cold weather and snow at a time when Phil has promised him good weather.
“When he betrays us like this, something has to be done,” Gmoser jokes.
If he were convicted, the prosecutor would expect Phil to appeal the sentence and try to argue his innocence.
“His defense will be he didn’t know his rear end from a hole in the ground,” he says.