14 DAY TRIAL // It's common knowledge that some people feel relieved after a crying episode, especially if it occurs as a response to a tragic situation, such as the loss of a loved one, or even a fortunate event, such as winning a prize or witnessing an emotional occurence. As a result, those who cry say that shedding tears allows them to get past difficult moments better, as well as to better cope with the intense emotions triggered by a happy incident. But a new research, co-authored by University of South Florida psychologist Dr Jonathan Rottenberg, and published in the December issue of The Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, shows that memory plays a crucial part in the way people feel about crying.
“A lot of the data supporting the conventional wisdom is based on people thinking back over time, and it’s contaminated by people’s beliefs about what crying should do,” Rottenberg says. He argues that people tend to forget the circumstances in which they cried, as well as the actual process itself, over time. They rather only remember that they felt at peace with themselves afterwards, a feeling that could be triggered by outside factors such as popular perception on crying, and internal factors such as the fact that the human psyche probably acts as a shield, protecting the conscious mind from accessing harmful memories.
For the new study, Rottenberg and colleagues Lauren M. Bylsma, from the University of South Florida, and Ad Vingerhoets, from the Tilburg University, in the Netherlands, surveyed some 5,000 people in 36 different countries, asking each one of them about their most recent crying episode. And while some 70 percent said that they found comfort in the support of others around them, more than 16 percent reported negative reaction coming from their peers, who, not surprisingly, made them feel even worse about their situations.
On a related note, the researchers discovered that people suffering from anxiety or depression did neither recover as fast as others from the effects of crying episodes, nor did report the same psychological benefits as regular people did. Also, in the case of individuals who cannot accurately pinpoint the source of their emotions, who basically don't know why they're crying, the calming effect of the process is also not present.
Therapist Judith Kay Nelson, who has not been part of this research, adds that “Crying, for a child, is a way to beckon the caregiver, to maintain proximity and use the caregiver to regulate mood or negative arousal. You can’t work through grief if you’re stuck in protest crying, which is all about fixing it, fixing the loss. And in therapy – as in close relationships – protest crying is very hard to soothe, because you can’t do anything right, you can’t undo the loss. On the other hand, sad crying that is an appeal for comfort from a loved one is a path to closeness and healing.”