14 DAY TRIAL // Kanye West and Future wrote a song specifically about how they scored two of the most beautiful women in the world and how that makes them so much better than you. The song is called “I Won” because, clearly, this was a competition but we didn't know about it.
The song was originally called “Trophy Wife” but someone must have thought that that sounded a bit demeaning to the women so they had it changed to “I Won,” but the chorus still has the word “trophy” being repeated in a loop.
Basically, for the entire duration of the song, which takes about four minutes, Future and Kanye take turns to explain just how their partners are so much better than anyone else, references that would make a sailor blush.
Future goes first and he claims that Ciara is “the perfect one” and that she makes him “feel like a champion.” In so many words, he describes her perfect bottom, which seems to be getting rounded and rounder, but in a good way, and only thanks to him.
After he finishes praising his woman's curvy forms, Kanye takes the stage to break it down about Kim Kardashian. He begins by boasting that he's beat NBA and NFL (Kris Humphries and Reggie Bush) in order to reach Kim's heart and now “every time I score it’s like I won the Super Bowl.”
But wait, there's more! In a reference to Kim's family, Kanye praises Kris Jenner for only giving birth to “trophies,” referring to her daughters, Kim's sisters. If that doesn't make your eyebrow curl up in amazement, nothing will.
Finally, both rappers gush about giving their women babies. Kanye poetically mentions he put “an angel in [Kim's] ultrasound,” referring to their daughter North. The rest of the song is made up of innuendos and also explicit things that the boys would like to do to their partners.
Sadly, we can't offer you the song because it's full of strong language, but take it from us, there's no denying that Kim and Ciara are the best two women on the face of the Earth and us, mere mortals, can't possibly begin to compare ourselves and our spouses to these fine specimens.
While most of you weren't even aware that this was a competition, Kanye West and Future don't shy away from rubbing it in your face that you don't have what it takes to land such a good catch like they did.
Any feminists out there better shy away from listening to this song because it's only going to make them furious and raise their blood pressure when hearing men rap about women and objectifying them.