14 DAY TRIAL // Joan Rivers passed away aged 81, leaving behind a legacy in comedy that will not be forgotten anytime soon. She was a trailblazer, opening many doors for countless female comedians, mostly by telling people things they probably thought as well but were too afraid to voice.
One of her favorite topics for jokes, besides her love life and her marriage, was her death, especially in later years. Even though many of her fans believed she would be around for ever, Joan knew that old age meant she was also getting closer to the end, as cold-hearted as this might sound.
Just the night before the routine surgery that sent her in cardiac and respiratory arrest, Joan was doing a stand-up comedy show in which she joked that she was so old that she could very well “drop dead” right there on stage, but she said that she found consolation in knowing she would offer her fans in attendance the chance to brag about being there when she died.
Back in 2012, in her book “I Have Everyone… Starting with Me,” Joan revealed that she had planned her funeral thoroughly – and she wanted to go out with a bang, because why not.
For her fans who knew and loved her, and knew she liked to live life to the fullest, it will probably not come as a surprise that she wanted her funeral to take place with huge fanfare.
“When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything's in your name,) I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action,” Joan wrote. Melissa is her only daughter.
“I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing ‘Mr. Lonely’,” Joan continued.
“I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce's,” she added.
Joan Rivers, like Melissa said in the statement that announced her death, loved nothing more than to make people laugh. A celebrity herself, she realized just how unimportant many of the things stars usually fuss about were, and she duly mocked them whenever she had the chance.
She will probably not get the kind of funeral described above, if only because Meryl Streep might have a previous commitment to honor. But she will always be remembered as the hilarious lady who would have planned it for herself, if only she had the chance. Sadly, she did not.