14 DAY TRIAL // In the beginning It was the fall of the 1993rd year of God, and the game was called "Dangerous Dave in the Haunted Mansion". Much has happened since then, but I remained the same, a gamer.
Looking back at the ten year old child and searching for clues in my desperate attempt to comprehend the causes that made me take the path of a gamer, I find nothing but the books he read, the movies he enjoyed watching, and the terrified faces of his parents. These findings are actually enough for me to accept the fact that my life, as I know it, is as good as it gets. Still, I wish I could remember what made me value games so much.
Just before I had my first gaming experience, I read these two books "The Knights Of The Round Table" and Michael Ende's "The Neverending Story". Funny thing I would say, as my life has never been governed by my passion for games, but rather by what I learned from those two books - that only my imagination has the power to cure fear, regret, and loneliness. Above all things, I concluded that I must face my dark, selfish side the Grail knight's way, by struggling to be always honest, kind, and loyal no matter the consequences, and against my hatred and despise towards some particular characters, in order to come to terms with myself, and to find my peace.
I am sure that none of these would have happened if my parents left me alone to get along with my life the way I saw fit. They, somehow, managed to make me feel guilty because of what I was doing. It was something like a girl being convinced that learning of her sexual identity is a sin, a very wrong thing, the nightmare of every man, and so on. I guess that they never intended to make me feel that way, but it is too late know to straight things up. This is the way all good parents are. They transfer their obsessions and frustrations to their children. Careless of their children's wishes and abilities, they force them to become what they could not, and to accomplish everything they failed.
I ran away from this burden and found peace in reading novels, listening to music, and playing games (especially role-playing, while I have always avoided racing or sports games). Unlike music or literature, games offered me a much greater deal of freedom. While still surrounded by music themes, I could now become one with the story and embody the main characters - those I always dreamed to be. Above all things, I could save my progress anytime and, in case things got messy, I could start it all over again.
I just could not handle my emotions. I felt remorse for every thing I was doing. By contrast, games and novels did not permit something like this. I must admit that I was not the brightest star in our galaxy. I failed controlling my emotions and, eventually, fell under their twisted spell. Because of this, with every passing day, my life became less and less enjoyable and nearly impossible to endure.
In the end Time passed and, thanks to my passion - or should I call it weakness? -, I have made myself some great friends. Thanks to them - as they were also game addicted - my way of life won some legitimacy. I was not alone anymore; I was part of a social group. Actually, shortly thereafter two or three brainstorming sessions took place. That was the moment I have found support for the idea that gaming may be associated with any form of cultural activity. In addition, I became convinced that game-related activities represented a powerful component of my intellectual and social life.
In the end, the special status of gaming as a safe haven began to erode. Due to my attempt to assimilate games to literature and/or drama - thus, understanding them as a spiritual category, a form of art -, I have actually lost interest in those things I had once loved. My Fallout, Planescape Torment, Jagged Alliance, Gothic, Morrowind and Might and Magic experiences - these titles barely cover the whole - proved me that there was an unquestionable artistic value behind the otherwise plain computer entertainment concept.
Today, role-playing games (I will never forget Ultima Underworld) continue to offer me a safe haven. However, they do not play anymore a surrogate role to my unhappy life. Moreover, excluding simulations and sports games, every single game may be a "Fantasia" (Neverending Story).
I am glad to see that, at last, games and everything related to them has become a disciplinary subject. Five years ago, my friends and I felt a great deal of frustration because our thoughts about games were not taken seriously by anyone. We had no idea that, with the beginning of the 21st century the foundations of academic game research were already into place.
The idea that games destroy one's life is overrated. I am proud to be one of many that see games as an important part of their lives. According to this, I will encourage gaming as I will encourage reading for the rest of my life, as games and literature made me a much better man than any of my parents' prototype/ideal sons.