14 DAY TRIAL // Company of Heroes is a huge game developed by Relic Entertainment and as far as I know, it's the most patched game ever. Some of them were ridiculously large, over a gigabyte in size. I played the game only when it was released, back in 2006 and liked it. I managed to patch it once or twice before I got bored and uninstalled it. Recently, I've had this urge to play it again and I'm quite a freak when it comes to patches; I must have the latest version. Imagine my surprise, after having installed everything - the game changed completely, from interface to DirectX support.
Some people on the Relic forum have been a lot more patient and even had the time to figure out some general laws that are quite similar with Murphy's Laws from our plane of existence. One user called "Jeff_theguy42" had the idea to start a topic called "100 Things I learned from playing Company of Heroes" and had unwillingly started a massive thread filled with teachings that are both fun and useful. I've compiled quite a few and, if you don't get tired of all the reading, you should check out the rest of the thread here.
Relic's Laws
￭ The Axis had lots of armored units in WWII.
￭ The Axis had lots of armored units anywhere, and everywhere, in WWII.
￭ The Axis eventually replaced all of their infantry, with armored units.
￭ British Command Trucks were built very well, and very big, and were capable of producing adult males willing to enter armed combat, and a variety of combat vehicles, ranging from light, to heavy armor.
￭ Two magical, floating balls of light were the source of many axis vehicles, and infantry.
￭ British Sappers are very... expressive.
￭ If the in-game text chat fails, spell out your message with sandbags. Same effect, more pride.
￭ While it isn't nice, it can be sometimes humorous to help "protect" your teammates British HQ Truck with an elaborate tank trap, sandbag and wire combination.
￭ The King Tiger is a very powerful tank. It also moves quite slowly- however on the upside, should a lost puppy happen to wander in front of this massive tank, it would be fairly easy to stop in time.
￭ Rangers are overpowered.
￭ Commandos are overpowered.
￭ Panthers are overpowered.
￭ PIV's are overpowered.
￭ Anyone attempting to defend an overpowered unit is biased somehow.
￭ Anyone attempting to explain that a unit is overpowered is biased somehow.
￭ Despite any infantryman's best efforts, he has proven it impossible to simply hop over those freaking sandbags.
￭ Artillery shells bounce off of tanks.
￭ Easygoing lads tend to drive American vehicles. "Hi!"
￭ Kettenrad drivers are incredibly brave, and don't ever complain about anything. They're sort of like soldiers who never went through boot camp due to being paraplegic.
￭ The Scheldt is an interesting map; driving roofing nails through your own toes is an interesting activity.
￭ Wooden bridges can be welded back together, with only a welding torch, and some good old determination.
￭ People tell me that standing near someone welding without eye protection blinds you in seconds, but my engineers seem fine. Actually, considering they can spray a target with several clips of ammo at close range and not kill anyone, maybe they are blind.
￭ A man's flammability is directly proportionate to his heroism.
￭ Bouncing shells off the front amour of any tank can eventually scratch off so much paint that the tank explodes. This is only effective with shells 20mm and larger.
￭ The American Jeep can withstand a hit from an 88mm shell and not even notice.
￭ Trenches do not slow down tanks, they make them fly.
￭ Trenches were the most impregnable defense known to man, more powerful then concrete bunkers.
￭ Elite soldiers can turn invisible at will.
￭ American MG and AT teams carried vast quantities of armor piercing rounds, but lacked the judgment to use it unless specifically told to.
￭ Everybody in the Wehrmacht spoke English.
￭ Every USA squad of riflemen, mg team and mortar all had the same R Lee Ermey-esque sergeant leading them, who always was the last to die.
￭ You can decide to buy a V1 rocket for the same price as 2 panzerschrecks.
￭ An American soldier was less expensive than a British soldier. But German soldiers were always the most expensive.
￭ Throwing a grenade reduced the Ammo stock of your force, but Artillery Shells were for free.
￭ Dead animals give you yellow cover.
￭ Tanks are killed by driving in circles around them.
￭ Not one single soldier in WW2 ever surrendered, no matter how suicidal his orders.
￭ Coffee made by anyone named 'Hans' will suck.
￭ Wehrmacht Pioneers were armed with matter extractors which could transform wrecked tanks into weapons and ammunition.
￭ German forces would often issue incorrect subtitles to confuse the enemy.
￭ In WW2, the only way to get soldiers to use grenades in close combat was by bribing them with bullets.
￭ Volksgrenadieres did not have grenades of any kind.
￭ Disappointment is always just one patch away.
These remarks have to be taken with humor as they are not intended to the game in any way. For those of you out there that haven't played the game already you should know that it's a great title and it shouldn't be a deterrent for playing it in the future. It's worth every penny.