14 DAY TRIAL // Ricky Gervais returned for a third time in as many years as host of the Golden Globes, in a ceremony that aired live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles. Below is his opening monologue.
Fans know what happened last year, when Gervais “insulted” almost every A-lister in the room, including Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Mel Gibson and Hugh Hefner, the only one not present at the festivities.
Following the public backlash and a severe scolding from NBC and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, Gervais kept his speeches relatively clean and relatively controversy-free at last night's gala.
Of course, that's not to say that celebrities weren't included in his gags – just that they were of those considered “fair game” by most, including Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber and the very organizers of the show.
“So... Where were we?” Gervais said right as he walked onstage, as if the past year had been just a minor interruption in a longer discussion.
“Nervous? Don't be,” he added, taking a sip from his glass and smiling wide at the audience. He later explained that he'd been given a set of rules by the organizers, which he read out for the fun of it because, he said, he had no plans of following them.
“Tonight, you get Britain's biggest comedian, hosting the world's second-biggest award show on America's third-biggest network. Sorry, fourth,” he said.
He pushed the Globes jokes to take a first swipe at Kim Kardashian, the one whom the glossies have compared in the past with Kate Middleton, in that she wanted the American correspondent of the royal wedding.
“The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker and more easily bought. Allegedly,” Gervais cracked.
He made a second Kardashian joke when he recounted the many celebrity divorces of 2011.
“Arnold and Maria. JLo and Marc Anthony. Ashton and Demi, Kim Kardashian and some guy no one will ever remember. He wasn't around long. Seventy-two days – a marriage that lasted 72 days. I've sat through longer James Cameron speeches,” he said.
Moving on to another topic, Gervais also included the Bieber paternity scandal in his monologue.
“Justin Bieber nearly had to take a paternity test. What a waste of a test that would have been! No, he's not the father. The only way that he could have impregnated a girl was if he borrowed one of Martha Stewart's old turkey basters. Open wide,” he said.
As the video below will confirm, in the same opening speech, Gervais also joked about Jody Foster and Dame Helen Mirren, but also apologized in his very own, special way, to Johnny Depp, whom he introduced onstage.
