Record of Agarest War, the Video Game That Could Have Killed Us All

The giant games that have an impact on the world, like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, can only pride themselves with small impacts on society. Traffic jams due to the official launch parade, people getting injured during the mauling of game retailers or thousands of individuals suddenly calling in sick so they can stay at home and play the titles are the most they can hope for. But few have ever managed to influence the flow of history in such a way so as to lead to the very downfall of the human society. The desolated landscapes of the Fallout series could become reality not due to nuclear war, but because a video game wasn't released on the Xbox 360.

Record of Agarest War is a strategy role-playing title from Aksys Games that is portrayed in its own words as a "cornucopia of debauchery." The game was originally planned to be released as a PlayStation Network exclusive, but powers beyond that of present time stepped in to thwart the apocalypse. In the official press release, Aksys editor Ben Bateman detailed to us lesser and ignorant mortals just how close we came to total annihilation.

"In truth, we had Record of Agarest War ready to go up on the PlayStation Network months ago, but when a haggard man emerged from a ball of crackling energy that materialized outside our office with dire warnings from a dark future, we decided to reconsider. As it turns out, a PlayStation Network-exclusive release of Agarest was – or rather, would have been – the catalyst for World War III."

"The gaming community was torn apart – literally – by this apparent favoritism, and from that schism poured the infinite minions of Satan himself, the Lord of Lies," Bateman said. Oh, the horror, the endless horror. Bateman's tale wasn't over, and, unlike in Warcraft III, the mad man's prophecy was heeded.

"The man told us, his eyes blank with the 1000-yard stare, of the horrors of this future war. He had been sent back in time, the last hope of a desperate human resistance, to prevent what the people of this desolate future Earth called, simply, 'The Breaking.' As the last spark of life passed from his body, broken and battered by his journey through the time vortex, we swore to honor his final wish."

As such, the Earth's society has been saved from its impeding doom by the men in black of Aksys Games. If it hadn't been for Ben Bateman and his courageous press release, the world would have never known just how close it came to complete destruction. If it hadn't been for Ben Bateman, we would have never found out about the silent guardians that protect us from their parents' shadowy basement, in which they code away at the Record of Agarest War. All praise for Ben Bateman and Aksys Games. When the title will be released in spring 2010, we can all rush to the stores and thank out saviors by purchasing their game. Or we could choose to not follow the insane rants of people that smoke exotic plants and just write this down as another case of misused freedom of speech. All those in favor of the second, shout, "Crack is whack!"