Before she filed for divorce from Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore sat down for a very frank interview with Harper's Bazaar, which appears in the February 2012 issue. Though marital issues aren't mentioned in it, it still sheds light on Demi's state of mind at the time.
The interview was conducted by producer Amanda de Cadenet, a friend of Demi's who's also co-producing with her a new Lifetime series “The Conversation.”
As such, she could ask questions a regular interviewer probably would not have dared to ask, like whether she was comfortable with the idea of growing old or which was her biggest fear in life.
It's to the latter question that Demi gave a rather startling answer: in life, she fears the most the idea of learning that she's not lovable, not worthy of being loved, or that her life would go unnoticed.
“And so for me, it’s not just about reaching my potential in terms of my career. It goes more to the idea of being whole, of loving oneself. And I think there is no way to reach your fullest potential if you don’t really find the love of yourself,” the actress says.
“If I were to answer it just kind of bold-faced, I would say what scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me,” she adds.
Demi goes on to say that she believes fears of this kind go back to childhood, but that she's learned she can overcome it by first learning to love herself.
She also says it's motivated her to always try to better herself and not just on a professional level.
“What scares me the most is not knowing and accepting that just about everything is not in my control. That makes me feel unsafe,” she adds as an afterthought.
Demi also talks about her fear of abandonment, but then rationalizes it by recalling what a friend once told her: “Only children can be abandoned. Adults can’t be abandoned because we have a choice. Children don’t have a choice.”
In the end, Demi believes accepting yourself as you are, without glorifying your strong suits or putting too much emphasis on your flaws, is the key to loving yourself, which, in turn, equals the ability to conquer all your biggest fears.
The full interview with Harper's Bazaar is here