14 DAY TRIAL // 
Farming simulators can be either hardcore manly experiences, where you sweat over the controller while parallel parking tractors and combines, or endearing and relaxing activities that often bring back pleasant childhood memories. Paleo Pines should be an example for the second group, adding cute dinosaurs into the mix of exploring colorful environments and friendly faces. But things do not always play out as they should.
Unfortunately, beyond the surface of overly sweet characters and vivid colors, Paleo Pines, proves to be an experience that instead of relaxing its players, puts their patience to the test. The formula is the very same that we have seen countless times: arrive at the farm, fix-up the farm, grow crops, make friends and uncover lighthearted mysteries. Still, somehow along the way things derail and the overall experience suffers greatly as a result.
Things start on an optimistic note, with you arriving at your family’s farm on the back of a cute dino. After the initial cut-scenes you realize that your prehistoric companion is much more than just a ride – they will help you not just to faster traverse the game world, but also to clear debris, eliminate roadblocks and remodel the outdoor area of your estate.
Sadly, at the beginning the endurance of your four-legged friend is not very good, and neither is yours, so you will have to start leveling up – a process more tedious than anyone could have expected. Just to imagine how underpowered you are in the beginning, here is an example: you need to call it a day after planting and watering just a handful of crops. And since almost all activities use stamina, you will need to go to sleep to replenish it frustratingly often.
After a good night’s sleep and getting familiar with your estate, it is time to explore the world around you. Friendly characters, colorful vistas and countless adventures await. Unfortunately, your enthusiasm will be curbed by the many loading screens and arbitrary roadblocks used by the developers to herd you along the path they envisioned. The amount of handholding is not so annoying as the limited freedom imposed in order for you to stay on a pre-established track.
Once you take note of some underwhelming historical buildings, you arrive from Veridian Valley to Pebble Plaza, a kind of social hub of the game, full of dorky NPCs. They probably were intended to be quirky and interesting, but due to the bad dialogue and really uninspired quests, they come across as badly written. The jokes are flat, the characters are way to chatty without having anything interesting or important to say, and most missions feel like the worst kind of fillers.
The writing does not improve when it comes to main quests and exploring your family’s and your Paleolithic friend, Lucky’s history. Be mentally prepared to do a lot of fetch errands, gather various resources, recover lost items, deliver items from point A to point B, and the rest of the pantheon of cliché tasks. But maybe the dinosaurs can salvage the game, since obviously they are the main selling point?
Just like with any other digital pets you can befriend the dinos and lure them back to your farm in order to adopt them. Building up their trust in order for them to follow you is not a straightforward task. First you need to use your flute to mimic the noises they are making, and after that, feed them the foods they prefer. As such, the befriending of these prehistoric giants diluted down to big eyed softies can take several hours, since a lot of trial and error is involved in figuring out what they like and dislike.
Once you have managed to repatriate them to your farm in order to turn them into long-term guests you will need to care for their needs. As a result, the long list of chores you have to do extends even further with tasks related to the whims of your scaly friends. In exchange they will help you with various issues such as removing roadblocks or cleaning up debris. There are also rare variants of the dinos, that can be identified by their different color and/or patterns.
The uninspired content is paired up with clunky gameplay mechanics and tedious controls. Selecting several items is as precise as gambling, aiming is haphazard as well, and the construction mode is an absolute nightmare. On top of it all you have countless bugs, game freezes and plenty of loading screens. Overall, Paleo Pines has nothing really relaxing in it.
Graphically there is nothing to phone home about. The lack of inspiration leaks also into the visual style and choices of old basic bridges presented as historic buildings. The pastel colors are nice, but the overall visual style is way too simplistic, and the buggy collision tracking of various world elements will drive you crazy. The soundtrack is nothing but forgettable, and the overly repetitive onomatopoeia used instead of voice acting will make you to want to mute the game altogether.
The Good
- Interesting basic idea with cute dinos
- Pastel visual style
- Easy to learn
The Bad
- Invisible walls and plenty of loading screens
- Uninspired and flat level and character design
- Buggy and annoyingly imprecise
Conclusion
For those looking for a relaxing farming themed game there are plenty of alternatives out there, that do a much better job of entertaining, with a price point similar to Paleo Pines.
Review key provided by the publisher.
