Will Smith Is All About the A*s, the Sucking and the Blowing

No, don't be alarmed. This is not another Will Smith / Tom Cruise article, since I know you must all be pretty bored with all the gay jokes and rumors surrounding these two (each of them separately and then both put together). No, no, no. I mean, we have to grow up already. Be mature. Learn to respect Will and Tom as two very valuable actors (OK, at least one of them is a good actor – you decide which) who have achieved great success recently (OK, one of them at least has starred in a recent huge box office hit) and who are in fact two of the most normal Hollywood stars.

Before you start thinking that I'm going crazy, I'd like to point out two things. One is that I was kidding. One of these two has starred in a hit movie (hint: it's not called "Lions for Lambs") and one of them does have a certain air of normality around him. But note to self: I really have to stop doing this. Now really – I'm tired of pretending to admire Tom Cruise when in fact the only one with the public success and the good movies and the "likable" air is Smith. But as for the "normal" part – I am beginning to have doubts about Will too – and this is why.

Will is currently in Japan, where he apparently became smitten with... a toilet. Yes, a toilet. The whole catch is that it's one of those toilets that don't need toilet paper to go with it, but clean the user's... well, bottom by spraying alternative blasts of water and air. And apparently, Will has nothing better to do than praise the virtues of such a device – which for some unknown reason he sees as "a gift from heaven". Also, he seems to be extremely well-documented in the inner workings of such a device. "People think it’s all about suction, but it doesn’t suck — it blows" he said.

Now, now Will – why do you go and make it so easy for us? Just think of all the dirty jokes I can make starting from the "sucking and blowing" part. Why would a guy who wants to be seen as "super cool" be making stupid remarks like that? And don't tell me he was just making a joke – when you spend that much time in the public eye, it's kinda important to control what comes out of your mouth. Now, you see? The image of Will sitting on a toilet having his a*s cleaned and probably squealing in pleasure at all the air and the water will be forever burned into my retina. Now aren't you happy this whole blowing and sucking story wasn't about Tom Cruise?


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