14 DAY TRIAL // In a recent survey of more than 2,000 children and adolescents, researchers at the University of Missouri discovered that boys and men prefer not to talk about their problems because they don't see the useful aspect of doing so.
In other words, males don't tend to talk too much about their problems because they cannot see how this would be useful for solving them. Most of the time, they either let things linger, or go on to fix them by themselves.
Previous studies had suggested that males may in fact feel embarrassed while talking about their problems, as if this made them appear weak to others. However, the new research shows this notion to be fundamentally flawed.
The survey included four separate studies. One of them focused on questioning boys and men about how distressed they would feel if they had to discuss their problems with their families, or with a therapist. Their answers indicated few signs of embarrassment or weakness.
“When we asked young people how talking about their problems would make them feel, boys didn’t express angst or distress about discussing problems any more than girls,” Dr. Amanda J. Rose says.
“Instead, boys’ responses suggest that they just don’t see talking about problems to be a particularly useful activity,” adds the researcher, who holds an appointment as an associate professor of psychological sciences at the university.
The most common answers boys and men gave when asked why they preferred to steer clear of such discussions was that they did not see the point in it, that they felt as if they were wasting time, and that they felt “weird” when doing it.
According to the team, these findings are very important for understanding couple dynamics, where women usually want to talk about things, whereas men prefer to avoid such discussions. Among experts, this is called the pursuit-withdraw cycle.
“An implication is that parents should encourage their children to adopt a middle ground when discussing problems. For boys, it would be helpful to explain that, at least for some problems, some of the time, talking about their problems is not a waste of time,” Dr. Rose says.
“Yet, parents also should realize that they may be ‘barking up the wrong tree’ if they think that making boys feel safer will make them confide. Instead, helping boys see some utility in talking about problems may be more effective,” the expert goes on to say.
“On the other hand, many girls are at risk for excessive problem talk, which is linked with depression and anxiety, so girls should know that talking about problems isn’t the only way to cope,” she adds, quoted by PsychCentral.