14 DAY TRIAL // The speed-dating methodology eased the work of the psychologists who have now the opportunity to observe how the romantic attraction is sparked.
In a recent research, they found that speed daters, who really wanted their potential partners, were rejected quickly and overwhelmingly.
Even if the person that you like should know that, finding it out in a too direct manner erases any attraction. The more you desire the potential romantic partners you meet, the less likely it is that they will feel the same. On the contrary, when you want a potential partner beyond your other options, only then are your wishes more likely to be accomplished. "Potential partners who seem undiscriminating are a definite turnoff, and those who evoke the magic of feeling special are a big draw," said Paul W. Eastwick, the lead author of the study and a Northwestern graduate student in psychology. "The wild part is that our speed-daters were negotiating all of these subtleties with only four minutes for each date."
"How this all happens is a bit of a mystery," said Eastwick and Northwestern University's Eli J. Finkel, assistant professor of psychology. "Put yourself in the position of a speed dater. You're not only able to pick up something about the degree to which that person likes you, but you're able to pick up -- in four minutes -- the degree to which that person likes you more than their other dates. It's amazing."
To get their goal, the research team set up seven speed-dating sessions for a total of 156 undergraduate student subjects, which had four-minute speed dates with nine to 13 opposite-sex individuals.
After each date, the subjects completed a two-minute questionnaire, stating if they wanted a relationship or felt just sexual attraction for their partners. "People who like everyone, unlike in a friendship context where they generally are liked in return, may exude desperation in a romantic context," Finkel said. "It suggests to us that romantic desire comes in two distinct flavors: selective and unselective," Eastwick added. "If your goal is to get someone to notice you, the unselective flavor is going to fail, and fast."
The potential partner needs to feel special or unique. "Just as this need plays an important role in intimate relationships and friendships, the present study reveals a distinctive anti-reciprocity effect if this need is not satisfied in initial encounters with potential romantic partners."