Weekend Reading: World of Warcraft, Divorce and Love

This story makes some interesting and valid points, but I feel vastly overlooks some much more important points as well; it feels that the author was vrey quick to create 'justification' for gamers.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a gamer. I spend a lot of time in front of that screen, and I love every minute of it. So understand that I'm absolutely NOT attacking gamers, nor am I attacking the game companies themselves, but raising some interesting points that the author either didn't think of, or chose to leave out.

-Who are any of us, as outsiders, to say that a gamer who is 'capable' of getting sucked into a game this way, should not have a family? That is a VERY callused and ignorant thing to say. Why? Why am I crying ignorance? Because ignorance means that something is being said or done without full knowledgeconsideration of the matter... And that's just the case here. It's ignorant, because a statement like that completely overlooks the FAMILY's perspective, how this effects them. Did the spouse know that their partner would get addicted like that, before they got attached? Probably not, no. After all, how would things have ever reached the point of marriage if that were the case? Not to mention any kids involved in the equation; did they get to make that choice? No, they didn't. When families split up, because someone spends 'too much time' on video games, especially when one of them 'develops' an addiction after the marriage, it's wrong to brush that off saying "The family shouldn't have happened to begin with." That doesn't make it okay, that doesn't make the separation, the tearing apart of a family into a good thing. It's a dark, awful experience to go through for anyone. So cheapening the experience with statements like that is excruciatingly ignorant, and would appear to come from someone with very little actual life experience.

Now that I'm done blasting Andrei Dumitrescu and calling him ignorant, (because again, by definition he has acted this way), let's move on to something else that is being largely overlooked in this community: Extramarital beginnings on WoW.

Maybe you've heard of this on the web, maybe you know a guy who knows a guy; but let me make something abundantly clear for those who may not know it, there are users who have no reservations about using WoW to begin what can often develop into a strongly emotional and very real extramarital affair.

I was approached today by a co-worker who had just experienced this, her spouse met younger married mother through the game, and began pursuing a relationship her. Before I go further, I would like to say that this is through ABSOLUTELY NO FAULT OF BLIZZARD'S OR ANY OF THEIR CONNECTED COMPANIES. I'm not here to say video games are evil, or anything like that. This is the fault of individual users, and the responsibility can be shifted to no one else.

I wish I could say this was the only incident I've heard of, but in the last year, I've personally known (in real life, not online) seven other individuals suffering similar incidents. It pains me to say this, because I'm also someone who had to go through this. It's becoming increasingly common.

Again, this is no fault of Blizzard's, or any other game company. This is the fault of those who choose to pursue new relationships when they already have a partner. There's nothing that makes WoW a 'more likely' place for this to happen, other than it's higher subscription base -and you can't hold that against them.

This doesn't mean that anyone should start protesting Blizzard, or that MMO's shouldn't be played by people with commitments; it means that people need to understand that this can become another world of sorts for players. If they aren't satisfied with their current relationship, it's a gateway for them to look elsewhere, in what seems like a fairly innocent environment.

It's all just a very interesting perspective into our society, to see people become more attached to someone in a game that they've never actually met. They begin to value the emotional connection with another player, more than the emotional and physical relationship with their spouse or partner. I'm sure that some sociological and psychological groups would have some negative things to say about this; and some of them would and will blame games in general -but keep in mind, that's not the answer.

My points can be summarized as follows:
-Don't discount the misfortune that occurs when these divorces happen. Whether someone's wife can't stand that her husband obsesses about the game; or whether she's playing herslef and leaves him for another player. It's all unfortunate, and it still leaves a victim. When someone attacks gaming with these stories, don't default to saying these incidences are less tragic with shortminded justification.

-If you're in a relationship, and one of you is getting strongly into an online community(game or otherwise), it's important to not only support them, but to make your own presence in whatever realm that is. You're not only supporting them, but you're reminding them that they have a partner -in game and out. It can be more helpful than you think.

I'm done with my rant, I was honestly shocked to see Andrei's shrewd opinion coming from someone with the title of 'editor' for anything, it seems like a really poorly written, and unthough opinion. I hope he rethinks his stance, and understands that he can sympathize with these families without having to accept any blame on the games themselves.

Firstly, I would just like to say thanks to HandsomeDan for putting a more realistic spin on the original article by the "editor" (and those are comical double quotes if anyone wants to know!)

I myself am a WoW'er (short for World of Warcraft Game Player) and I recently got married in May of this year.. Up until recently, my time committed to game play was on average, about 10-12 hours a week.. But before any judge's cast the word "addiction", let me fill you in on the details..

Generally
- I would schedule (and still do) to play at times when my spouse is not at home i.e. I would jump on for a quick hour or so before the Mrs would arrive and I would say, "hey baby, I'm almost done, I'll switch this off so we can hang out!", when she got home. To which she would reply, "No, it's ok, you play your game" (in a sincere manner) : This provoked one of two thoughts 1) She genuinely doesn't mind me playing, as she has something she needs to do OR 2) She somehow believes I would prefer to play the game, rather than do what I said. The 1st option would be the one I would stick with, reason being, option 2 would suggest she is playing mind games, and she knows I don't pay attention to those.
- Alternatively, sometimes the Mrs will watch shows like "The Bold and the Beautiful".. Before I go on; let's just say, if you left a bunch of monkeys in a room with a typewriter and bottle of vodka, after 2 days you would end up with the entire series scripted for this show! Personally, I find this show mind numbing and so naturally I would turn to WoW instead; that way I get some game time and she gets to watch bad actors in heavy make-up. Everything in moderation!

The current situation
- Recently, my spouse fell pregnant - to both our delights - and I am really looking forward to becoming a family man.. However, pregnancy has its side affects, and one of those is SLEEP; so my Mrs falls asleep at around 9:30pm from pregnancy fatigue almost every night and I usually don't enter Zzz land until 00:00/01:00 am; I'll watch Family Guy and Mock the Week (UK show).. and now Flash Forward :D The rest is usually trash.. And I have Sky (Cable for you Americans)!! And after that I get stuck.. If no good movies are on; it's now 11pm and I'm thinking, I might just jump for an hour.

So there's the detail..! Am I addicted Or do I just have a preference to how I would spend my free time? The Mrs doesn't seem to think it's the latter and so now I am in trouble (just not sure how much?)

Conclusion, I feel like I'm left with a dilema.. The Mrs think's I play too much but when you count up the amount of time she is either out of the house OR asleep (before me) that add's up to about 15 hrs a week.

I thought the fact that I choose to the play the game whilst she is away or incoherent would be a good thing but she only sees it from ONE angle, and that is .. "You're addicted to that game!" I personally think that her evaluation is unfair as I endeavor to not play when she is 'around' and 'awake'. Other than that, I pay the bills I need to, I have a good job with good prospects and earning well above the average for my age, plus I own the house we live in. I'm funny, successful, business savvy and adventurous (love traveling) and good looking, if I don't mind saying so :D; I don't drink often, don't smoke, don't do drugs, commit crimes.. Hell, I don't even watch sports, I just occasionally like to play WoW.

Am I'm being unreasonable?

All comments are welcome

I have been married to my husband for nearly 7 years now. Both of us are Wowers. It began when his brother referred us to play. It soon became a lifestyle for my husband. I was not worried because I thought once he got used to it, he would become bored like everything else and that his time spent on it would dwindle down. Now let me tell you how our days go:
He works until 1:30...is on as soon as he gets home....until night time. Occasionally he will get off to watch a 1 hour show with me and our kids. I have to ask him when I can cook dinner to where he will eat wtih the family.
On the weekends. We plan our times for grocery shopping, and going out around his raid times. He is always saying I am just doing a quick random....That random turns into 5 hours of playtime. When I gripe about him spending time with teh kids..he plays with them for 15 minutes and then says see i play with the kids.
If I mention his time on WoW, he immediately bites my head off. Now I play wow maybe for 3 hours a week. He used to cnostantly try to get me to get on and play to, but we have 2 young children who need attention, a house that needs cleaned, and a family that needs fed. I dont know what to do....I love him,but his lack of attention is getting worse and worse and he sees no problem with it...an occasional "I love you" from teh other side of the house is not what I mean by attention. So yes he is addicted...and it happened right away...we used to do everything together and now i hate when we leave the house because he gripes and gets headaches until he can go back home and play!!!! UGH! I am scared this is ruining our marriage.