Was That a Flying Pig I Just Saw Past My Window?

What's new on the Britney front? Well, that's a good question. In fact, I'm almost stunned to report that the troubled popwreck actually seems to be doing better these days. OK, that really didn't come out very well. Let's try again. See, when a regular person (and by that I mean one that's not famous for flashing her private parts and being a mentally unstable drugged-out loony most of the time) goes through a rough time and then recovers, that's not really news. But when Britney Spears - who, on the last count was twice dragged off by ambulance and committed to a psych ward - is feeling better, that can mean anything from "she put on panties" to "she combed her hair", "she threw away her pink wig" or "she went shopping with her mother". And since the latter part is true - and since Britney's shopping trip was just that, a shopping trip without tantrums, sex in the fitting room and a high-speed chase to boot, I guess we really can say Britney is doing better.

So much better, in fact, that some ridiculous and hilarious rumors are already flying around, claiming that Britney is rehearsing for... drum roll please... a new world tour. Yes, we can take a short break now and laugh our heads off in peace. I mean, yes, we're all excited there was no notable Britney disaster these days, but from here to assuming the troubled singer is embarking on what can only be an exhausting and mentally draining tour is a long way. In fact, this has got to be the craziest Britney rumor I've heard in a while, and that includes the one about Lynne Spears sleeping with K-Fed. There are some people out there who - probably fooled by the fact that Britney has been hanging out at the Los Angeles Millennium Dance Complex a lot lately - have come to believe Britney will embark on a world tour to promote "Blackout".

The New York Post quotes a "source" close to the singer who allegedly stated that "[Britney will be leaving the country in the next few weeks. She'll train in privacy for a month, then go on a global tour". Yes, and pigs can fly. I mean come on, a world tour? Such a massive effort usually involves months of preparation and training, thoroughly rehearsed dance routines and a lot (I mean, A LOT) of focus and determination. A world tour would prove exhausting (physically and mentally) even for a seasoned performer who doesn't have a mental condition, is not on drugs and has had constant contact with the world of entertainment. Britney doesn't fit the profile - she is in fact lucky if she gets a few hours' sleep a night and remember what she had for lunch the previous day. So I'm afraid I'll only believe Britney is going on a world tour about the time Hell freezes over. But I'll keep you posted on any news, just in case...