Top Five Rumors of the Day About Britney

I've complained about it, but no joy. Looks like everyday life is not that cool from time to time for the majority of us human beings - celebrities included. Actually, for some reason, celebrities do tend to have a harder time realizing that in fact life on Planet Earth doesn't go according to plan all the time, don't they? It's the case of oh-so-popular former-star-now-seeking-to-shine-again Britney Spears, who has not been doing much lately other than just messing up her life and blundering around for attention. Kidding. You don't actually believe Britney was up to something that can't be labeled as "irresponsible" "stupid", "silly" or downright "hilarious"? Just have a look.

There's actually a long list of what the on/off blonde pop tart has been up to these days, but since some of it is sooo extraordinarily unbelievable (I for one can't believe the one about her first album release being launched only next week) and since I don't want to be hit over the head with a baseball bat by an angered Britney fan (if there is still someone out there who openly declared her/his allegiance to this mortally endangered species) I decided to post an update of the things Britney is rumored to be doing. Not sure it's a wise decision, but since Britney is such a nice girl who allows her photo to be taken every time she's drunk in a pool fondling another guy / girl, I'm pretty sure every single rumor will be confirmed shortly, and we'll be able to add a photo gallery to go with it. Joke. And I do hope the part about the drunken pool orgy stays a one-timer. Dream on.

So, top five Britney rumors of the day, and my thanks go out to the blonde menace for making is so easy to publish such a varied list everyday.

1. Britney will launch new single next week. This one rules - and apparently the are some photos online that picture the Britster walking out of a recording studio with a demo CD in her hand. Could that... no, wait...I'm having a moment here. My hands are shaking on the keyboard, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Could this actually be that famous Britney single with the equally famous but not yet seen disastrous video? And it's...it's actually called "Gimme More"? And some people actually have the guts (or rather suicidal tendency) to claim that it's up to scratch? No, this is a moment for the ages. Really. What day is it today? Must be some secret, merciful saint who took some pity of Britney and granted her (or rather her fans) a wish. Though I reserve judgment for when I actually listen to the song - if ever.

2. Britney is working hard for her appearance at the VMA's. Hmm. Not convinced. Need more data.

3. Britney is being investigated for killing (kidding) one of her dogs - actually, she didn't kill it (or maybe she did but we're not aware of it), it's just that one of the pooches she was so proud of last year seems to have gone missing. Anyone got a spade round here?

4. Britney hears rumors that a car engine runs on gas, but she never actually believed it until yesterday. There's no other explanation for Brit's brand new white Mercedes running out of gas in the middle of the street in Beverly Hills. Another possible variant for this is that Britney has suddenly gone part deaf and blind, cause I'm pretty sure that car's supposed to make a noise when the fuel level drops. And I suspect there's a little flashing light lost somewhere in there, but maybe it's just too tiny to see. OK, enough rumors for this bullet. And finally,

5. Britney got popped with another parking ticket. This one's actually good news. At least she didn't hit, kill or maim anyone. Goody.

Yes well, that does it for today. Any new leads, any Britney rumors y'all, and we'll be back with more. I do have a shrewd suspicion that the best day for all of us will be the day we get to report Britney has either left the country to move to the South Pole or that she was locked up for good in a tower and the only key's just been stolen by a hostile race of aliens.