Self-centeredness

You may meet a person who looks right (proper clothing, skillfulness, intelligent look and stateliness), but when he/she starts to talk, he/she pisses you off really bad. Sometimes, you may be just like that, saying improper things. Self-centeredness refers to the habit of turning things and situations so that you are in the center of attention.

The syndrome manifests in two ways: on the one side, by the way of reporting his/her belongings, the person develops an exacerbated desire for detaining control; on the other side, the person feels the necessity to affirm himself/herself anywhere and anytime, as the majority of his/her preoccupations gravitate around his/her own person.

The most inoffensive, but with the highest potential candidates to self-centeredness are children. They do not even learn well to speak, and use heavy artillery: "I want/I don't want" for desire and "Mine!" for possession. It's OK to encourage the personality of the child and to protect to some degree his/her sense of property. The child wants to be like the adults, to make it all on his/her own and to know which his/her belongings are. In his/her relations with other children, the child explores his/her "territory", discovering which are its limits, and attempting to bypass them. But this drive, if not looked after, can root in another way than the desired one. The child must be taught by the parents that toys must be lent, clothes must be kept clean and flowers protected, turning the tendency for control of the child into care and love for what surrounds him/her.

But some people remain " forever children". When they have kids on their own, they treat their offspring like toys meant to satisfy their pride. Their children are healthy and beautiful, otherwise it would be a shame. They are smart, too, because they are like their parents. The boy will be a doctor or overtake his father's business while the girl will study "arts".

Kids are also used as affective toys. They are programmed to stay "quiet" as long as parents are busy. They are given precise tasks (playing, doing homework, cleaning) because the adults do not have time for that. But many overlook the fact that kids who are not looked after can get wrong habits, and even worse, will look for activities in order to kill their time, which can model their characters in an unwanted way. Interestingly, in moments of frustration, parents need the affection of their neglected children.

The other aspect of self-centeredness is personal affirmation. The "victim" wants to be taken into account. If you talk about something bad that has happened to you today, the person will start telling you about something worse that happened to him/her two weeks ago. Have you bought something new? It does not compare with what he/she has just bought (or is going to). Do you have a disease? He/she has the same symptoms or genetic predisposition...

What about the "glass human"? He/She will feel affected by no matter what you do, even by your best intentions. He/She must be treated "with gloves", otherwise the "shards" of its affected self esteem will cut deep wounds around. Think twice before acting, control the pitch of your voice when you talk to him/her and remember he/she can ask you an explanation for what you have done, as he/she is the master! Opposition triggers an admonition and the eternal "Do you remember what I have done for you?". Self-centeredness does exist. Do not hurry to label prematurely all the suspects with it, as we have to analyze the motivations behind their attitudes.

Even inside a romantic relationship, there can be doubts. The woman can be affected negatively by the fact that her partner loves more his mother even if friends tell her this is the normal respect of the son to his mother. He can call thrice a day besides sending her messages. Is he possessive? He is convinced he has established well, being puzzled by the fact that he does not manage to please her (in fact, she is waiting for other words). Everybody has his/her personality. This refusal to look into the eyes of the other leads to isolation amongst people: you are left alone, you and your point of view in the middle...

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