The Porn Queen and the Bleached Ugly Duck

OK, maybe it is a bit far-fetched, calling Tito Ortiz a duck, but that's what this guy reminds me of. Maybe I should make some things clear, though - we're talking about a super-bleached, overweight duck dressed in a suit and trying hard to make it look like he's feeling comfortable posing as "Mr. Nice Guy". Well, we could be fooled by all that for, like, 10 seconds - or less, it depends, when we lose sight of Tito and our eyes start to water because we've just seen his partner in all, former porn queen and just about the most amazing-looking tranny that ever was, Jenna Jameson.

I mean, I'm sorry to say it but not even the oversize blonde wig can make Jenna look like a lady. There's just an overall air of "not cool"-ness that surrounds her and makes me feel like she's about to lose her clothes at any time and start performing... well, whatever she knows best on Tito. And we all know she's very knowledgeable in certain areas of human activities that imply naked ladies, sturdy guys and a lot of sinful intercourse. But we shouldn't be too hard on poor Jenna - after all, she's just trying to lead a normal life and make us all forget she screwed hundreds and hundreds of guys in real slow motion for the whole world to see. Thinking about that even makes me a bit nostalgic, you know... Kidding.

Now, back to Jenna - I have to say that for a lady trying hard to climb the ladder of Hollywood appreciation and go from "porn queen" to "former porn queen and slightly less exhibitionist woman" (I would not go as far as to try to imply she'd want to be called a lady) she's definitely not trying hard enough. I mean, yes, she's coming to all these events, taking to the catwalk and all, but really, she still got money, right? That porn empire of hers, Club Jenna, was still going strong last time I checked. So why can't she afford to buy better clothes or ask for some professional advice before going out dressed like a... well, hooker, or in any case, like someone with not a lot of money and not a trace of taste.

She should have at least paid some attention to what her partner, the Duck, was wearing. I'm sure she would have found a dress she could wear somewhere, at the bottom of a closet. I mean, even porn actresses wear dresses for, like, 10 minutes into the movie, while they're picking up their sex partner and pretend to have the first two orgasms, right? She could have reconditioned one of those. So... Jenna dear, less acting like you're still having sex for money, wear a dress from time to time and you should be fine. For a while at least.