The Kilogram Has Put on Weight, Must Go on a Diet

A team of researchers working with the Newcastle University have recently made it public news that, according to several studies they have been carrying out over the past few months, the kilogram has gained weight and must be forced to go on a diet a.s.a.p.

Granted, the IPK (the International Prototype Kilogram) only managed to put on several tens of micrograms, yet this does not change the fact that its being overweight can affect all other measurements of mass.

"[...] mass is such a fundamental unit that even this very small change is significant and the impact of a slight variation on a global scale is absolutely huge," the specialists who looked into this issue explained. 

"There are cases of international trade in high-value materials - or waste - where every last microgram must be accounted for," they went on to add.

Apparently, the original kilogram only gained weight because, over the years, various contaminants have kept building up on its surface. Scientists hope that, after these contaminants are removed, the kilogram will go back to being its usual, slim self.