The Crotch Is Just Fine, Thank You Very Much

I don't know what's up with Victoria Beckham, but I think there's definitely something wrong with her. I find it very strange that a woman who usually comes across as extremely self-obsessed and who seems most of the times overly pompous and self-aware, insists on talking about male genitals. It will be a while before we forget that memorable instance in which she gave us the goods on how her husband David's manhood is the size of a tractor's exhaust pipe – and for the record, I did NOT find that sexy or funny in the slightest. Well, it seems that Victoria is doing it again, and I have no idea if the penis talk is compulsive or simply something meant to make her seem witty and open-minded – but whatever it is, it's not working.

This time, it all started with Victoria talking about developing her own brand of denim and adding a men’s jeans range to the already existing female one. And once again – amid talk of high-end fashion and talking about her plans to make even more money in the near future – the frumpy former Spice Girl talks male crotch. "I think guys should wear jeans big and baggy, with a big pair of boots or flip-flops - exactly how you see David when he’s out in his jeans and T-shirt. Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!" Now, I won't even go into why it crossed her mind to say a thing like that – I'll just add that it's all sorts of inappropriate. Or I may simply be a conservative idiot, but that's not the point here, is it?

But wait – we haven't heard the end of it. Apparently, jeans are something Victoria can talk about forever, since in the end it all revolves around the crotch. "These are not skinny jeans. They are what I call proper men’s jeans", she says referring to her own ideas for her brand of men's jeans. "If you are a man that likes really skinny jeans, very fashiony, this isn’t really the line for you. I didn’t want anything too tight around the crotch. That really repulses me. It might be fashionable, but you are not going to get that from dVb", she added. Yes, well, there's not much I can add to this except express my heartfelt gratitude that there were no suggestive, graphical metaphors like the "tractor exhaust pipe" one. I like to keep the contents of my stomach IN my stomach, thank you very much.


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