The Britney Trainwreck Leaves No Survivors

For the past year, Britney has been doing nothing else but sabotaging her own career, but I guess there's practically no need for me to tell you that, since you've probably put two and two together by now. First, she fought with her father in the media. Then, she fired her manager and, later on, her publicist. Then she fought with (and even allegedly slapped) her own mother. Weeks later, Brit's cousin and personal assistant Alli Sims disappears, amidst reports that the pop tart's behavior got so irresponsible and annoying that Alli simply couldn't stand it anymore.

But Alli's desertion was more than that: she also chose to side with the enemy, after spending so much time with Spears and finally coming to the conclusion that she can't possibly be a good mother to her two children. In other words, Alli joined Kevin Federline in his battle for full physical custody, hoping that all her inside knowledge will help the one-time rapper get the boys and provide them with a more secure lifestyle.

Ever since Alli left, Britney has been seen in the company of another woman, who was initially believed to be just a friend. It was revealed later that the woman with whom Brit Brit stripped to her underwear for a dip in the ocean was, in fact, her new PA. Her name was Shannon Funk but you probably will not have to remember it since she was fired after three weeks. 'Britney felt a lot of her recent troubles started and stopped with Shannon. Britney thought she was talking badly about her. She was very rude and Britney felt she was letting business emails fall by the wayside.', one source told 'Life & Style' Magazine.

This allegedly happened yesterday, after the first copies of the 'interview' she gave to 'OK!' Magazine got out. The moment she was free from the 'rude' Shannon, Britney packed her kids and took her bags (sorry, I meant packed her bags and took her kids) and off she went to Las Vegas, again sparking a huge wave of criticism for reportedly violating the custody agreement she had signed with K-Fed a couple of months back. Said agreement stipulated that neither parent was to take the kids out of town unless the other one agrees, a thing that Britney forgot to do.

Also, while in Vegas, troubles continued for the pop star we all once loved. There are several reports that indicate that she was caught in the middle of a physical altercation between her bodyguard and several local paparazzi, a scuffle that ended when one of the paps accidentally elbowed Sean Preston Federline (Britney's eldest son). The (former) singer filed battery charges on behalf of the infant SPF but the case is still pending.

There you have it: another dose of Britney, same nonsense. God, I can't wait for the album to come out! At least then we'll have something else to talk about, instead of same-old, same-old: divorce, custody, paparazzi, craziness...