Looks like protection won't be simply software-based after all

Aug 28, 2014 15:07 GMT  ·  By

For the most part, when people talk about computers and say “protection” or “security,” it's encryption or virus defense that springs to mind, not condoms. Alas, it seems that even robots are expected to use them eventually.

For those of you who are now hopelessly confused, you can probably make sense of things just by hearing the next two words: USB Condom.

Yes, a security R&D consultation firm by the name of Xipiter has designed universal serial bus devices that bear that exact name.

The USB device electronically disables the connector's data pins so that you can view the data but not transfer anything. All you have to do is install it at the end of the USB cable.

The uses

The USB Condom is actually the only full-proof, physical means that exists to completely prevent any chances of the data on your drive being corrupted in any way.

You see, regardless of how great the encryption, or how long and twisted the password set on the files is, there is always a chance for a virus to slip through the inevitable cracks in the defense.

After all, at the end of the day, it's all based on electrical signals, and there is always a way to go around those, so to speak.

The new device from Xipiter physically renders the data pins inactive, so there is no way for any software-based attempt at subversion or corruption to get through.

But that still leaves a question: Why the name?

Machine STDs Inbound?

Some jokes should probably never be made. The USB Condom may very well be one of them. The idea of an intermediary sitting between a device and an “unclean” USB port may have some merit, but the name brings some truly odd connotations.

What is USB Condom supposed to mean? Will robots develop STDs like organics? Does the term even apply when they can't even be attributed genders? Xipiter definitely thinks so.

I suppose it makes sense in a twisted sort of way. We humans use condoms to protect ourselves from some diseases that can be really nasty.

What are viruses if not diseases, only of the technological kind? And they don't need to be necessarily viruses. There are lots of adware and other annoying little programs that can install or copy themselves where they don't belong.

We think the problem is bad now, but what about the future? Especially when AIs become a real thing? They may start to produce viruses and extensions of their own just for kicks.

Robots will probably come to be in great numbers eventually, centuries from now. With Xipiter having drawn my attention to the possibility, I have to say that it's not hard to imagine them deliberately using USB Condoms and variations thereof to safely interface with others of their kind.

If nothing else, inventing this method of ensuring operational safety will score a few points with artificial intelligences when they finally reach the stage where they can decide for or against exterminating life as we know it.

Or maybe they'll feel insulted about us having even considered things from this point of view, that connections between computers and (eventually) robots could have any sort of erotic connotations.

Either way, I suspect I'll have to put active effort into smothering random bursts of laughter over the next few days. Which is to say, every time the phrase “robot with STD” crops up in my head.

The USB Condom
The USB Condom

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The USB Condom
The USB Condom
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