She-Pilgrims in High Heels Feed People Tofurky Roasts

On Monday, November 19, the people living in Buffalo will get the chance to try out tofurky roasts (i.e. the animal-friendly version of the run-off-the-mill and mouthwatering stuffed turkey).

This is because two she-pilgrims wearing high heels will be standing at the southeast corner of Eagle and Franklin, hoping that their “anything-but-puritanical” outfits will help draw in the crowds, who will later on be persuaded that eating meat is a crime against animal rights.

“Thanksgiving is murder on turkeys. With fabulous faux fowl, you can celebrate without causing suffering—and give a bird something to be thankful for,” pilgrim wanna-be and PETA member Leila Sleiman says.

According to said green-oriented organization, Thanksgiving turkeys are forced to spend most of their lives in filthy enclosures, which is why some of them end up dying of a heart attack long before somebody even thinks about turning them into a roast.