Sex in the Woods with Sarah Larson

George Clooney really seems to have found his match in hot girlfriend Sarah Larson. The world's most eligible bachelor, as he has been dubbed, has been dating Larson for practically a lifetime judging by his own standards, that is) and it would seem he's quite passionate and possessive about the former Las Vegas cocktail waitress. In a recent interview, he confesses to the New York Post's Page Six that he tried to track down a mystery caller who had left a message in his machine, urging him to dump Larson. Clooney reportedly asked his police officer/driver to launch a probe and see if he could come up with the man's identity, which goes to show that Clooney is either head over heels in love with Larson, or simply that he's starred in one "Ocean" movie too many.

'"Before you're sorry'?" Larson repeated, stung, before launching herself into a rant about how unfairly she has been treated by the media. "They say that I'm a stripper. There's a ton of stuff about that. I've never been a stripper. You know, just because I'm from Las Vegas, I must be a stripper. Because I'm a cocktail server, that means I'm an escort". She may be right about some things from her past being blown out of proportion; however, after racy shots of her dressed in a bikini, mock-wrestling another lady in "girls gone wild" fashion were leaked to the media, that was the least she could expect. Clooney took his girlfriend's woes very seriously, though, and turned himself into Danny Ocean in order to valiantly fight to restore her honor.

First of all, he ruled out the possibility that the whole thing was a hoax planned by one of his pals. "It's not a prank, none of my friends would do that," he stated dismissively. The next step was to enroll the help of his police chauffeur, and get the mystery caller's number traced to a pre-paid cellphone. He then tried to find out if the phone in question had been paid with a credit card, and this is where the trail went dead. Which should come as a warning to every other Sarah Larson hater out there, or to anyone who dares to reveal details about her pre-Clooney life. This includes former boyfriend Tommy McKaughan, member of the "new age" rad acid rock band Z Kamp, who dissed to the national Enquirer about the nude sex romps he and Sarah used to have in the woods during their six-year relationship. Watch out, Tommy, you're next on Danny's... I mean, George's hit list.



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