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Scary Movie? No, 'The Covenant'

Hot guys and girls in their underwear passing for warlocks and poor victims of evil powers

By Elena Gorgan, Entertainment News Editor

11th of September 2006, 08:17 GMT

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'The Covenant' opened as number one in the American box-office but do not let this little detail fool you, because its the lowest number one film in no less than three years. Renny Harlin's latest 'horror' movie, barely grosses $6.7 million and even for this amount there is a perfectly suitable explanation: it opened without private press screening.

The plot, put down by J.S. Cardone, is more than awkward and confusing. The story itself, as good as it may sound, becomes a mere excuse (when re-enacted on the big screen) of showing a lot of guys' bums and girls' underwear. It revolves around four families with supernatural powers whose members, hundreds of years ago, have made a covenant of silence. A fifth family was excluded from it because of its lust for power.

Now, in a fancy college we see only in movies, the four descendants of the ancient families study and lead an apparently normal life, trying to avoid using their supernatural powers. Only later do we find out that their use is not unlimited, as we might have thought, because each time they display, their bodies become weaker and weaker. But that doesn't mean that the four hunkies are not willing to use them to - oh, let's see - make fun of police officers or to lift a girl's skirt! Now, that's a wise choice for magic!

But little do the four boys know (it would sound ridiculous if we'd call them 'warlocks' or 'wizard') about the dangers that await them in the guise of the descendant of the banned fifth family. Fortunately for the viewer, the 'bad guy' makes his entrance only towards of the end of the movie, which is good, considering the way he fights his main opponent... by throwing energy bubbles back and forth! Nevertheless, the poor man or woman who paid good money to see the movie and is now trapped in his chair can't stop wishing (even for a second!) that both adversaries would just die, no matter if they're good or bad.

To give you a more accurate perspective of just how lame 'The Covenant' is, imagine taking bits and pieces (the ones you disliked most) from the TV series 'Buffy' and 'Angel', erase every notion of plot and action you had in your mind, add to that poor acting and badly written lines (and even worse performed)... and there you have it, this is 'The Covenant'!

And don't think that because Harlin made 'Exorcist: The Beginning' and got some praise for it, you're going to be able to do the same after the longest 97 minutes in your entire life are over! The same goes for the cast: besides being a bunch of relatively unknown actors (Steven Strait, Sebastian Stan, Laura Ramsey, Taylor Kitsch), the only thing they can be really proud of is their good looks, because there isn't even the tiniest hint of talent all along the entire movie.
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