I'm sorry, but I just have to tell you that I only managed to take one look at those photos before my eyes started to water. You know, that nasty feeling you get when you peel onions and you get that stinging sensation that makes you want to jump off the window straight into a tub of cold water. Well, I got the same feeling looking at these photos of Victoria Beckham in Paris. I mean, just look at them. I can't actually believe someone would dress like this and get away with running free in a city without either being picked up by the police for impersonating a prostitute or picked up by the secret services for successfully impersonating an alien.

I mean really, I know she fancies herself as some sort of fashion icon, but this is too much already. Please, give it a rest, call that sailor you ripped off last week and give him back the rope he uses to tie his boat to the jetty...and just wear some nice, normal clothes for a while. And what's with the exposed nipples? Is that some sort of trend, too? Well, I'm sorry but Janet Jackson already tried flashing hers some time ago and it didn't work - nipple chic is so 5 years ago, really.

As for the rest of the things that Victoria is doing...well, she still seems to think people are interested in all the very exciting things that go on in her life, such as...sitting around doing nothing, doing photo shoots, shopping, going to fashion shows, more shopping...you get it, it's busy being a famous footballer's wife and having such a loaded schedule. So, in case you don't want to take my word for it, this is Vicky's own blow-by-blow account of her busy, busy life in Paris.

1."I've been quite busy in Paris. I went to the new Cavalli store opening last Thursday, which was incredible. So many beautiful clothes!"
2."I went to see the Chanel show on Friday and I sat next to my friend, the lovely Dita Von Teese".
3."I also went to see my friend Giambattista Valli at his showroom - sadly I couldn't make his show but his new collection is fabulous".
4."I went to the Louis Vuitton show last night and it was fantastic - the colours were amazing and the shoes were gorgeous as were the use of different fabrics and sequins".
5."Then I was kindly invited to dinner by Marc after the show, with some fascinating people including Sophia Coppola, who is one of Marc's friends and long time muse. She was amazing".

6."I'm writing my blog to you from a cover photo shoot for American Elle, which I'm doing in Paris - it's going really well so far and the clothes I'm wearing are incredible".
7."I will be coming to England this week to work on my new DVB collection - I have a photo shoot for some of the new designs this week as well which I'm really looking forward to".

You see? Busy, busy, busy. But for the love of God, why would anyone want to go out in public looking like a shrunken extra that broke free from the filming of the surrealistic sequel to "ET - The Friendly Alien Meets Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"? And they call it sense of fashion... yes, well, it's apparently not for us mortals. The gods know best. Just ask Victoria.