Pre-Britney Screw-Up Predictions

Today is a big day on the Britney front, and we're all wondering whether by the end of the day Brit Brit will still hold a chance (however remote) of ever getting near her kids, or if we'll witness yet another public meltdown, like the one that followed Britney's latest run-in with the law. And yes, for the record, I officially believe that Britney's last visit to court - which took place the morning of the day in which she took her youngest son hostage - had an impact on her later (completely crazy) behavior. Which leads me to believe that today's hearing (which is just as important as Britney's deposition last week, if not more important) will trigger some more drama. And since thankfully Brit can't take it out on the kids this time, her parents better have a psych ward and a good dose of Haldol ready for her, because if madness hits, it will hit hard, and this may be perhaps their best shot at having her committed and forced into treatment.

If only things were that easy, though... As we've been able to see over the past week, Britney knows that her family and friends are preparing an intervention, and is quite paranoid about it. Last week, she hired a private jet and flew all the way to Mexico and back again for fear hear parents were going to corner her and force her into a straight-jacket, so maybe she will suddenly decide she wants to visit Australia today, for a change of scenery, you know. And just so we know exactly what we're dealing with here, I put together a list of possible scenarios for the day, in an attempt to make the whole Brit saga look funny. But keep your remote controls and your computers close by - any of these little predictions can explode into a full-blown drama at any time. Warning: don't take us too seriously. Life around Britney is one big joke after all.

Scenario 1
Britney shows up on time (no more than half an hour late) and does her best to deal with Commissioner Gordon's questions. She doesn't get visitation rights straight away, but she does stand a good chance of seeing her kids as soon as possible.
Chances of it happening (as voted by the entertainment staff at Softpedia): 0%
Possible outcome(s)
We'd all like to believe Britney still has it in her to pull off a stunt like this and prove us all wrong, but unfortunately we've all had a chance to see that - either as a result of mental illness or drug abuse - the popwreck's maternal instincts are pretty much brain-dead at the moment, or in deep hibernation. We don't think Britney will show up on time unless by accident or if someone tricks her into believing there's a new Starbucks located inside the court house - and I don't think even Brit would buy that.

Scenario 2
Britney shows up in court two hours late. She is told she missed her chance and lost visitation rights with her kids for the next three months. As she is heading out the door, she is cornered by K-Fed, her mom and ex-bodyguard Tony Baretto (couldn't think of a bigger guy) and packed off to a mental institution.
Chances of it happening (as voted by the entertainment staff at Softpedia): 50% for the "shows up late" part, 25% for the "caught and packed off to a private psych ward" part.
Possible outcome:
Britney will finally get the treatment she needs, and a year later she may even get to see her kids again. Adnan the paparazzi will publish a book called "My Porn Collection - How I Snapped a Million Naked Photos of Britney In Under One Week" which will climb to the top of the international bestseller list.

Scenario 3
Britney is no-show in court. She loses the custody of the boys forever and later today throws another public tantrum, takes Adnan hostage, visits four Starbucks and five gas stations, and eventually surrenders to the police which confine her to a psychiatric facility as soon as possible.
Chances of it happening (as voted by the entertainment staff at Softpedia): 25%
Possible outcome
Starbucks goes bankrupt. Adnan goes bankrupt and confines himself to the same psychiatric hospital as Britney to keep her company.