Porn or No Porn, Heidi Montag WILL Be Famous!

In fact, why stop at Madonna? Let's all eat our hearts out, tear off our clothes, stop taking baths and essentially behave like the most miserable of mortals because there's a new Hollywood star out there taking the world of entertainment by storm, and try as we might, none of us have even the most remote chance of channeling the same talent and glamor. I'm talking, of course, about the ultimate Hills bad girl and my favorite horse-faced reality star of late, Heidi Montag. You see, Heidi and her even more annoying on again / off again boyfriend Spencer Pratt have probably ingested some sort of dangerous toxin, which in addition to boosting someone's ego seems to have dangerous psychedelic side-effects, such as making people believe they're about a million times more important and better looking than in reality. Just wait 'till you hear this one.

"When people hear what we have in the bank, it's gonna blow their minds. Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming – they're gonna sell 10-million plus", Pratt stated, while out and about in Atlantic City at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa, where he was probably trying to get someone to notice him, you know, because he's such an important personality. So, let's face it people: either this dude is seriously deluded, or Madonna and Britney are history. Well, actually he's right about the Britney part, but I somehow doubt that the bi-polar, allegedly schizophrenic Brit has Heidi Montag listed among her top ten priorities in life. But Madonna? She's so biting her nails right now! I'm sure she must be trying to sell off all her estates as quickly as she can and is planning to move to Africa and live the rest of her life in the Sahara desert.

"We're financing [the album] ourselves on a shoestring budget. It's so organic. And this is just the warm-up. We're just heating up the water in the bathtub. It's gonna get hot!", Heidi's buffoon of a boyfriend added. He's talking about that annoying song with that even more annoying video that looks like an adult movie prolonged introductory section, right? I really hope she's really good in bed – as in, amazing, because otherwise I can't see what Spencer could possibly get in return for making an even bigger fool of himself than usual. Oh, I mean apart from her undying love and gratitude. The fact is, I think we have a new musical miracle on our hands, and yes, Heidi Montag will most certainly go down in history. I still don't know how that will happen, yet – but a little patience and we'll soon bring you all the news. Just stay tuned.


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