14 DAY TRIAL // It is very common that new parents impose themselves to achieve perfection in parenting. The problem is that such think does not exist, and the only result of this "socially prescribed perfectionism" might be postpartum depression for new mothers.
A new study looks on how perfectionism affects mother's ability to get used to the afterbirth life. 100 first-time mothers in Toronto, Canada were involved. They filled out questionnaires that determined their level and type of perfectionism and their feelings of depression. The study showed that the strongest link between perfectionism and postpartum depression, was amongst women who gave the impression that they had no problems whatsoever.
Gordon Flett, a professor of psychology at York University in Canada, said that this can only mean that there are women in Canada who feel bad but nobody can tell, because they are very good at covering it up. This signifies that not even friends or family can't realize that their loved one is suffering from depression. "This tendency to put on this front usually means that people don’t tell other people when they're doing badly, so somebody might not know that a young women is having difficulty; they might have no clue whatsoever," Flett said. In extreme cases, this might lead to suicide without family members understanding why.
Professor Flett says that basically it is very important for new parents to accept that they do not have experience and there is absolutely no need for them to be perfect. There is no such thing, and the ultimately most important thing for them is to do their best, because this will be enough.
Friends and family can try to tell if a new mother suffers from depression by simple observation. If she is doing too well, if there is never a problem with her new life as a mother, than this might be a clue. The thing is to get her to be honest about her new life, and not just say things that she thinks people want to hear.
Not wanting to be perfect and understanding that they shouldn't be too hard on themselves might be something worth teaching to parents-to-be in class.