I have no idea when Elisha Cuthbert turned from the girl next door into a full-time vamp, but I can tell you it's not good news for her - or for those of us who may have at one point or another imagined that she might actually have more brains than, say, her "House of Wax" co-star Paris Hilton. Well, folks, we were wrong - and as far as I'm concerned, maybe she inhaled some of that wax while they were shooting the movie and it stuck to her brain, because Elisha really put her foot in it this time.

Or, to be more plastic and descriptive, she put her tongue in it, and it's not pretty. The bottom line is that Elisha was caught with her tongue in Paris Hilton's mouth while the two ladies were getting their groove on at a nightclub in New York. And we all know what happens to those celebrities that stick their tongues in Paris' mouth. I mean, just think of all the STDs out there...

I'm really starting to wonder though - why is Paris Hilton so determined to let the world know she's got... fake lesbian tendencies? I mean, come on - we all know that everything Paris does is directed, planned and reconsidered a million times, so as to attract the maximum of attention onto the blonde soon-to-be-ex-heiress. Every time she takes a breath, her every move, her clothes, attitude, even that dumb smile of hers that I hate beyond words, it's all one big act.

And yes, we know Paris has gone girl on girl in the past - question is, why is she keen on making it so obvious now? Don't get me wrong - if that's what she feels (that she's into girls more than guys, that is) then it's her own choice, and she should be applauded for being so admirably at ease with it. But come on, this is Paris Hilton we're talking about -it's all about attracting attention, and yes, she is getting plenty of it for this.

But Elisha, why have you forsaken us? We had such high hopes for you. Kidding. Well, I think that she needs to head to a hospital somewhere and have a full STD panel done as soon as possible. Plus, we all know how Paris is quite... ahem, fierce when it comes to defending her spotlight, so better not do anything that resembles a publicity stunt or we'll have a cat fight on our hands soon enough. Not that it would be such a horrible thing, but who knows... maybe Paris would look better with just one eye. Joke. OK, half-true joke. What do you think?