Paris Still Trying to Look Sexy Naked. Fails Miserably

I was actually wondering how long this was going to take. As soon as the shamelessly fame-whoring Lindsay took the stand and posed naked for a magazine, her big "rival" Paris Hilton decided she needed to do something about it. Something classy and at the same time surprising - you know, so that LiLo could never see it coming. After an indiscriminate amount of thinking, the soon-to-be-ex-heiress came up with a wonderful idea: she posed half-naked on the cover of a magazine. I know, I know - really imaginative. I mean, she must have thought about it for weeks - twisting and turning in bed late at night, wondering what to do to upset Lindsay's rule of the slut scene.

Well, luckily Paris saw this devious plot in a James Bond movie and decided to put it into practice. You see, if your rival is in the news for stripping, the best and most effective way of dealing with that is stripping too, and posing for a similar magazine. Your rival will never see it coming - it's called the "imitate to death" strategy. I heard the CIA is also using it extensively to hunt down terrorists. Yes, well, trust a mastermind like Paris to come up with a completely unexpected solution to one of the oldest problems in the world: slut rivalry. So, here are a few shots of sweet little Paris topless on the cover of 944 magazine, modestly covering her breasts with one hand while putting her fake tan on display. Just lovely.

I mean, I always knew Paris had a hot body - but now the confirmation to this theory is staring us straight in the face - if you're brave enough to look at it, of course. I don't know why, but looking at Paris Hilton dressed only in briefs really doesn't make me feel in any way except... well, tired. Like, in bad need of a nap. And that's about it. So, have a look at Paris' spread if you're brave enough, and let me know what you feel. After you've calmed your stomach, that is.