Paris Is the Best Piece of Ass Joe Francis Ever Had!

Joe Francis, alleged rapist and multi-millionaire founder of 'Girls Gone Wild', has a very particular way of coming to his friend's rescue. A couple of days ago, he defended Paris Hilton, with whom he appeared in several videos posted on the Internet, by saying that he planned to aide her in her legal battle against the website that 'exposed' her to millions and millions of people around the world.

'We're pissed and I feel for Paris right now. She's been victimized yet again. We want this thing down and we're seeking monetary damages. They [the videos] were taken for us only when we were dating. These guys have absolutely no right to use the images - they flat-out put them on the Web with no permission. He messed with the wrong person.', Francis told the media.

But yesterday, Joe had a sudden change of mind and thought that, instead of giving Paris some moral support, he could help her cause by going on a national radio program and talking about how good she is in the sack. 'Paris is better in the sack than anyone else. She is amazing in bed. Paris also gives the best oral sex. Yes, she's better at it than Lindsay Lohan!', he told Howard Stern during a phone interview.

In any case, Paris can rest assured: Francis may not be helping her play down the whole 'being exposed' scandal, but at least she is the best f**k he had in his entire life. And that comes from a man who simply loves to brag about having sex with at least (!) one million chicks from every corner of the world. Plus, he says she is much better than Tara Reid and, seeing that the two girls have gone from best friends to bitter foes, this statement can't but work wonders on her ego.

Joe also told Stern that Tara is probably the worst woman he ever had, not because of her physical appearance but because she 'just lays there'. 'Tara is the worst in bed. I love Tara but, honestly, she pretty much lays there. And I had sex with her a lot', Francis explained, pushing the knife an inch more in Tara's back.

To conclude, Joe gave yet another example of how a good friend should be: after singing Paris' praise, he went on to say that she is now probably past her peak and that he would never have sex with her again after what he saw on that soon-to-be defunct website. 'Paris was at her best at oral sex when she was 22-years-old. If you look at the tapes on that site, that's when she was the greatest. Well I don't plan on having sex with Paris again, especially after seeing the medical documents on the site.', he said.

And there you have it: Paris would better go looking somewhere else for sex and/or moral support, because the Joe Francis train has left the station.