Since we're all interested in things on which the future of humanity depends on (like, who took Paris Hilton's virginity and whom she had sex with in the past week), I take it upon myself to report that something is amiss with the celebutante's breasts, not in the sense that they are missing something but, as Hamlet so wonderfully put it, that 'something is fishy in the State of Denmark'. In this case, in Paris' cleavage.

For a while now, the Internet has been abuzz with the rumor that the always inventive and surprising Paris got herself a new pair of puppies, after she managed to escape the paparazzi's attention. While this is practically impossible (I'm still surprised the woman can go to the girlies' room without being photographed!), it cannot contradict the fact that Paris' breasts ARE larger than before. By that, I obviously mean that before she had none and now she has plenty to spare...

There is a theory circulating in the blogosphere that says Paris had her boobies augmented. They say she managed to elude the paps, snuck off to some clinic or another and had her implants put in. However, this theory doesn't include at all the fact that she has been spotted out and about for every single night of the past month so that kinda makes it impossible for her to have hid away at some plastic surgery clinic.

As an explanation for what has made Paris so curvy in the upper part of her body, there is yet another theory: it's called Fake Body and it's a product from Victoria's Secret. Various media outlets report that the heiress is set to be one of the spokespersons for a new type of bra, which she also helped design but, since nothing of the kind was yet confirmed, I call bulls**it. Especially as they say that Victoria's is paying Paris $10 million to prance around with her new boobs. Call me a skeptic, but no one in their right minds would pay that much money to have her as a spokesperson...

So far, one thing is certain: Paris Hilton has bigger breasts than before, be it because of the advantages of a good bra or of that of a good surgeon. However, I can't but be very happy about the new change of look - it helps redirect one's eyes from another part of her body: her face. Hopefully, this mystery will be solved in no time, just like it happened with the identity of the man who took her 'flower'. It took, what?, only 10 years or so... I can wait, no problem.