Don't you just love Paris Hilton? I'm going to make a very personal and important confession now, so please, stop laughing for one second. Paris is my true role model in life. It's true - at night I sit awake in bed and I wish I had her life, her looks and her ability to make loads of money for not doing absolutely anything. Latest example: our favorite heiress is now getting a record-setting amount for showing up and basically partying at LAX Club on New Year's Eve.

"Paris is receiving the biggest payday ever for a one-night appearance in Vegas. Nobody draws a crowd like she does". Yes, well, I suspect that does make sense at some level, however a monkey who can juggle bananas also draws a big crowd at the zoo and no one even thinks to give the poor money a million's worth of bananas - nor does it mean that the rest of the animals at the zoo respect the monkey more for being a crowd magnet.

The interesting part is that Paris being a sure bet for New Year's Eve at LAX means that the blonde wonder has replaced former pal Lindsay Lohan, who was set to host the party in order to make up for the amount of money she was paid when she agreed to celebrate her 21st birthday at the same club back in June. LiLo is said to have pulled out earlier this week citing post-rehab sobriety concerns. Her publicist stated: "She is currently focusing on her work and sobriety" - which in day to day language means something along the lines of "she wants to knock back a few drinks but knows that everyone would be watching her so it's not going to happen".

And a last piece of Paris news for the day: the sex tape-friendly heiress has just been seriously slammed by the people Hallmark, which she sued for allegedly using her image and catch phrase "that's hot" on one of their postcards at the beginning of the year. And you'll just love what they had to say about her (they've responded to Paris' suit with a motion to dismiss).

"Hilton has become a household name, based in large part on her efforts to draw attention to herself. Having done so, she has subjected herself to public scrutiny and the parodist's pen. The First Amendment does not allow her to respond by welcoming the fawning and flattering, but silencing the critical and comical", they say. "Some of Hallmark's new humor greeting cards are parodies of today's most popular celebrities and politicians. These cards take a satirical look at news and gossip surrounding these public figures, including Paris Hilton, and we do not believe Hallmark has violated any of Ms. Hilton's rights". Way to go, people!