Paris Hilton Gives Up Her Clothes

Paris Hilton has jumped on the charity bandwagon - probably because someone in her entourage has whispered to the blonde heiress that there's only so many times the newspapers will write about you if all you do is get drunk, climb fences and walk into pee. I mean, dumb chique is definitely last season. So the heiress has recently stated that she intends to donate some of her things to children's orphanages and hospitals, just because she feels she can do some good in this world.

I have to ask myself then, has someone properly explained the meaning of the word "donate" to Paris? Does she really understand that when you 'donate' something, you actually give it to someone else and you get no money for it? I mean, to donate is basically to give away for free. Can she really do this? But we're being mean - Paris wants to prove to us that she has in fact changed so much since her infamous incarceration that she is soon to be revealed as Superwoman in disguise.

In fact, I think Paris has just discovered the century-old idea of a media 2 for 1: she gives away her excess clothes and thus frees two thirds of her wardrobe and at the same time people love and appreciate her even more for revealing such a gentle, giving heart. She said "I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I'm going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children's hospitals. I never wear something twice".

Oh, look, not only is she freeing extra space and trying to make us all think she's sweet and gentle and giving, she also managed to squeeze in a little bit of self-praise too. In what, 30 words? That's got to be a new personal best. But I don't know what she thinks children's hospitals can do with her clothes - except sell them on eBay and avoid being contaminated with some sort of unknown, deadly STD Paris picked up in some remote corner of the world. I hope the "only wear once" policy applies to her underwear as well, although the only place where that is going is a biochemical waist disposal facility - and I'm not even joking.