Paris Got a Rash on Her Tush in Jail.

You'd think that, since Paris was lucky enough to have her sentence reduced from 45 days to 23, she would stop talking about the joke that her 'jail stint' was. After all, she was given some sort of special treatment (even if not as special as she would have wanted it) and she only came out of Lynwood a bigger star! This, for a person who was irresponsible enough as to get behind the wheel after drinking alcohol and already having her driver's license suspended for a previous DUI, is a lot!

However, it seems that we, the poor people at home, are condemned to an entire life of hearing about Miss Hilton's ordeal in prison. Both she, the famed singer, actress, designer and fashionista, and her family are set on always shoving the 23-day jail stint in our faces and, frankly, I'm still at a loss as to why. Anyways. The latest to open her mouth about Paris' living nightmare is her mother, Kathy Hilton, who tells 'People' magazine that her daughter left home OK only to return after three weeks with a nasty rash she got from jail sheets.

Apparently, Paris' royal a*s is too good for this world and cannot handle anything else but the softest of soft fabrics. So, naturally, the sheets she was provided with in jail caused her a nasty rash, of which she only got rid when she went back home, to her mamma's silky ones. 'She had been in jail, obviously with the very thin sheets and one pillow and one little thin blanket. That's how inmates get rashes. It feels like sandpaper.', Kathy begins her heart-breaking story of life behind bars. But, not to worry, she had just the perfect remedy for her poor little daughter - the kind of care that only a mother could give.

'So I made her a bed up in what used to be the baby nursery for the grandchildren at Paris' grandfather's house. I had fresh, really soft towels, and really soft sheets and one of those really soft, cuddly blankets called 'my blankey,' and nice soft pillowcases.', Kathy explains. And, wait! Bring out the Kleenexes, 'cause I'm about to start the waterworks! 'She went in' - Hilton's mother continues - 'and she looked at the towels and Evian water by her bedside. I wanted to make her feel really welcome. And we went downstairs and made a sandwich. And she ran outside with her doggie. And she ran, and she was screaming, "Oh, this feels so good. I feel so lucky".'

Oh my God! Like... really? This story just broke my stone cold heart to pieces. Ya think Paris will ever recover from the trauma that was brought upon her without provocation? Or that her a*s will ever forget the memory of those coarse sheets 'normal' people use? Hm, doubtfully...