I'm telling you, there's a secret war going on between Brit Brit and Paris, and although the popwreck seems to have a comfortable lead, Paris sure is strutting her stuff fighting for a fair share of the spotlight these days. We've seen more Paris action lately than we have in... well, not months, but definitely in weeks! The soon-to-be-ex-heiress did her best (and by that I mean acted incredibly stupid) to catch our eye by falling down, dressing like a 20's hooker, delivering a f**k-filled drunken rant at an LA club and now... finally... doing a photo shoot with Fila, shots of which were mysteriously leaked to the Internet. And boy, do we get an eyeful? I mean, did someone tell Paris Jenna Jameson was retiring? 'Cause judging by these photos, she's definitely working on her promotion portfolio.

I don't know what to say - Paris sure seems to like even the pretense of having a man rip off her clothes and... well, you know, do the nasty with her. I think that explains the look of pure ecstasy on her face when some guy's hand is that close to her bra. Well, if that's how badly she needs a little bit of sex, I shudder to think how she'd react if someone took off her bra completely. The fact is, I'd sure like to know who taught Paris that "posing" actually means acting like you're having a serious orgasm. Maybe it's all one big plot to conquer the hearts of all the men on this planet and make them love Paris beyond anything and everything else in their lives. Or maybe Paris has a secret shrine for herself hidden somewhere in her home, featuring this kind of "hold on, I'm coming" shots from various ages. Same Paris, different orgasm. Yeah, that makes sense.

Well, look on the bright side: at least we're not seeing Paris crawl through the desert covered in golden paint and trying to sell us canned champagne. I guess she's working for her own money now, since her granddaddy's fortune is pretty much bye-bye, and we need to grant her renewed respect. I mean, Paris is a respectable career woman now, and she's taking her work very seriously. OK, then I can breathe a sigh of relief. All this orgasm-posing is done in purely professional purposes. No narcissistic self-loving - not even one tiny bit. Yes, that makes total sense. Like, totally.