Paris' First Post-Prison Interview - A Fiasco

Paris Hilton made her first post-prison video appearance last night on CNN's "Larry King Live". The media had been stirring a real hype surrounding Paris and her release, and everyone wanted the see what the (self-called) reformed heiress had to say after her life changing experience. CNN capitalized on this and showed a countdown clock that headlined "Paris tells all".

She didn't say it all, but she said enough for everyone to see that she is full of s**t. The whole interview smelled funny from the get go. First of all, Larry King was way too easy on Paris, trying to emphasize only the positive aspects of her experience. That should have made Paris' one-hour appearance a simple walk in the park, but she managed to screw this up as well.

Paris seems to have found God in prison (funny how everybody finds divine salvation only when thrown in the slammer, see Michael Lohan). She said that she has been reading the Bible and that God has given her this chance to make amends. Also, there was a nun that came to her cell everyday and they prayed together. Larry King jumped on this occasion and asked Paris to quote her favorite passage from the Bible. Paris answered with a "hmmm" and then there was quiet. After some deep "meditation" she concluded that she did not have a favorite passage.

Now, a person that goes to jail and pretends that he is reformed by the experience should have a pretty analytical answer when asked what s/he would like to change about herself/himself. That's exactly what Larry King asked Paris. Now I am asking you, since we've been writing about Paris Hilton for so long now, what do you think her answer might be? That she will end her partying spree? That she will turn to charity?

You will never guess it, not in a million years. Hold on to your seats, folks! Paris doesn't like that when she is nervous or shy her voice gets really high-pitched and she is determined to correct this major flaw in the future. This mind-shattering response leaves me speechless.

But not for long. Paris provided some more entertainment last night. She claims that prison time was the hardest thing she ever had to face and that her strip search was the most humiliating thing ever done to her. Well what the hell did you expect, Paris? Prison is not meant to be nice. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time!

Another thing that I found particularly amusing was how the other female inmates were very supportive. Paris used to talk to them through the ventilating shafts (how gangsta can you get?). Now it finally dawns on me: Paris did time! Now she's got the ex-convict rep on the streets. I wouldn't talk bad about Paris Hilton from now on. She just got out of jail, man!