Finally! Finally, some things in this world work out the way they're supposed to. I really must check if I'm dreaming, because really this is too good to be true. Apparently, the people behind the Oscar ceremony this Sunday really want to keep it STD-free, so they did one of the most sensible things they could have - and banned Paris Hilton from attending the prestigious star-studded event. I mean, come on. Is Paris even an actress? No, I don't think sex tapes are credited as "real movies". Oh, I almost forgot about that stupid "The Hottie and the Nottie" affair - well, since that brought in about $100 in profits, I don't think it can be seen as a serious endeavor either. It pains me to say it, but I have a feeling Paris Hilton may not pass for a proper actress any day of the week. Oh, the sadness!

Actually, I was joking. The last thing we needed was Paris at the Oscars, getting into a fight with Lindsay Lohan on the red carpet and jumping on stage to dance and strip whenever she felt like the crowd wasn't paying her enough attention. Oh, and did I mention her getting drunk and embarrassing herself at the afterparties? Well, as I was saying, banning Paris was the right thing to do. After all, the Oscars are set to be extra-special this year, what with the writer's strike effectively canceling the usually fancy Golden Globes ceremony and depriving the stars of the cinema from getting all dolled up and hitting the red carpet in style.

"She [Paris] cried hot, salty tears when she was banned from the Oscars. She's desperate to be taken seriously as an actress and hoped she would be able to network with film executives" a source stated referring to Paris' reaction on learning about the ban. "She's tempted to go to the parties afterwards but might wear her trademark wig to save her dignity" the same source added. As much as I try not to laugh, I simply can't help myself. The thought of Paris lying on her pink bed, dressed all in pink and surrounded by her 17 dogs, crying her eyes out over not being allowed to attend the Oscars is just too much. Well, Paris, what can I say - maybe next year. Yes, I'm sure that's going to happen. Like, for sure.