Someone, please help me snap out of it. I'm sure this is just a surrealistic nightmare of some kind, an ugly dream, a terrible nightmare. This effectively cannot be happening. But apparently it IS happening, I have a feeling I just don't know who I am anymore. Light is fading. The world is turning into a gray space, with no color, no joy and no sunshine... Jordan, my all-time favorite big-boobed celebrity, queen of the penis talk, narcissist-in-chief and altogether one of the world's most annoying celebrities has decided to remove her fake boobs. And if that alone were not a major tragedy, she also decided to have some additional work done to her face - which ended up turning Jordan into... a stranger to our eyes.

I was going to say that the smaller boobs may be regarded as an improvement, but then I bit my tongue... hard, because I realized that "Jordan" and "boobs" have become pretty much synonymous in recent years. OK, let me be mean - Jordan is what she is today because she has had big (fake) breasts and was daring enough to expose them all over the place - in magazine spreads and on the covers of the products she was endorsing. She knew how to work smart and sell herself as the essence of a type of "in-your-face" sex-appeal that worked for many and that others (like me) found vulgar and over the top. She even went as far as to publicly blast women with smaller breasts than hers. But here she is, saying hello to the new year with a definite decrease in cup size and looking like she just borrowed someone else's face. Maybe she is considering a career change. Who knows, this is Jordan, after all - anything goes!

But really, as I was telling you, the world will definitely not be the same again without Jordan's over-inflated boobs in it. We used to have such good times making fun of them! Plus, this lovely lady was always a delight, and never had any problem with allowing the world a closer view of her fun bags. It's the attitude that always counts, I think. Only trouble is, why did she have to go for the face too? It looks like she had at least on bad nose job - possibly more work, because she looks... well, not like her old glamorous self. But that might just be the dramatic decrease in boob size, so I won't insist. In any case, looking forward to seeing Jordan's first public appearance and maybe have a look at the... ahem, true size of the disaster. 'Nuff said.