No, That's NOT Sexy... At All

I have no idea which part is worse: the fact that Mariah Carey has a new song out, or the fact that a 45 second preview of its video has just been released and it's absolutely hideous. It's a tough choice, but I think I'll go with the second one. You can watch the preview in question below and make up your own minds about it – but I would recommend an empty stomach and a bunch of Valium pills before hitting "play". OK, I may be overreacting a bit, but I find it beyond funny that a diva who is as pretentious and as annoyingly feisty as Mimi still believes that this kind of "magic of the eighties" video could still work. Maybe in an alternate reality or on a different planet – but even there I have my doubts. And yes, I know Mimi has a fondness for tight outfits and exposed midriffs, but still... there's a limit to how much of this cheap "glitter" we can take.

So, back to Mariah's video – or at least the portion of it we could watch. It's all "me, me, me, I'm such a sexy diva" from beginning to end, but with the old-fashioned air of someone who was in a coma for the past twenty years and is valiantly struggling to keep hold of the only "real world" she knows. I really hope there's a twist to this video and that the 45 seconds in the preview turn out to be just a flash-back, or a bad dream or something along those lines. I really, really hope that's the case, just for Mariah's sake – and so that you can see I don't actually hate her. I do hate those figure-hugging dresses she insists on wearing, though. For some reason, I'm sure she has about 50 of them at home (different colors, you know) safely locked away in her wardrobe. There's probably a guard at the door too. Don't laugh – you'd be surprised...

As for the concept of the video – mainly, as you can see, it's Mariah channeling her inner diva, instructing her nerd-looking boyfriend to "touch her body". Heaven help us, it's beauty and the geek all over again! I had no idea Mimi wanted to be on the show – I'm sure they would have taken her in and she would have done just fine. And I won't even begin to talk about that hideous "schoolgirl" outfit that shows off the diva's boobies while giving her an air of... what, Catholic schoolgirl innocence? No, that look has been off ever since Brit Brit's "Hit Me Baby" video. I wish I could say I'm looking forward to seeing the whole video, but that would be a big fat lie. What do you think?





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