Nicky Hilton - On Things You Can Do with Your Tongue

Oh, Nicky! We expected so much more of you! I mean really, I always had a bit of a soft spot for the "cleaner" of the Hilton sisters, and by "cleaner" I mean the one with less sexually transmitted diseases. And even though Paris' younger sister has always (or, at least tried to) cut a more elegant and down-to-earth figure, you know I'm right when I say that you can tell a lot about a girl from the way she's kissing a guy, even if it's her own boyfriend. And by the looks of the smooches (I use that term loosely just in case some of you had something to eat before reading this and your stomachs are still fragile) she's planting on poor David Katzenburg's mouth, I have a feeling there's much more about Nicky, that we never even suspected before.

The fact is, this has got to be one of the strangest, most passion-less kisses I've ever seen. Like, ever. It totally looks like Nicky is eating this poor guy's face - but I guess she's gotta refine her technique one way or another, right? But just look at this photo - not for too long, or your eyes will start watering and you'll start seeing little yellow stars flying around before faitning. In all honesty, doesn't it look like she's helping him clean his teeth? Either that or he's just pissed her off with something and she's trying to rip off his upper lip. I guess that's possible too.

The epitome of this little story about love, lust an dental hygiene is this: never piss off a Hilton, or else there'll be pain. Lots of pain. And clean gums. The fact is, the vindictive, passionless gene probably runs in the family. Paris definitely knows what I'm talking about. I was sort of counting on her to give her younger sister some lessons in the kissing department, just so the sisterly pride and reputation of "horrible in bed" be carried on into the future. 'Cause let me tell you this: anyone who kisses a guy like that has just about as many chances of hitting it off with him in bed as Britney has of winning a Grammy next year - if you know what I mean. So, less teeth, more tongue and a little more discretion. How about that for a kissing style lesson?