14 DAY TRIAL // Yes, I know some will consider my words as pure blasphemy against the iPod and yes, I know a lot will send me "hate mail" and say how angry they were reading this rant, but today is my bad iPod day. Nevertheless, I guess there will be supporters of my ideas among the readers... Let's see what's going on with these devices.
I know they're popular. Far more popular than any contemporary gadget has been during the last decades and it has reached every corner of the planet from the richest people (who are even studding them with jewels - hey, Paris, any idea?), down to the poorest countries on Earth (there's at least one iPod in Somalia, I just now this). Obviously, it's nice to see such a thing, seeing one product practically circling the globe and being enjoyed by so many people from children to old people.
It's all like the Rubik Cube and the Walkman, only far bigger; the digital era has brought digital music: back in the 80's it was rather hard to carry a bag full of tapes with you - now you can have hundreds of albums in the size of a fingernail. People are growing addicted to their iPods like it's some sort of drug or disease and freakin' take the players everywhere, do all sorts of things for their own comfort.
Having god-knows-what kind of iPod color means that you're owning some god-knows-what series; c'mon people, its the friggin' plastic shell, being colored in a way or another! It does not sound any better nor will the battery last more if your iPod is now green, while until yesterday you had a white one!
Funny thing is that in the US, people are so much influenced by marketing that they'd buy anything if it's new and the producer says it's cool. Combine this with Apple's exceptional marketing skills and you get the recipe for success: everybody either has an iPod or craves for one.
Now the part which has pissed me off today: iPod has become some sort of holy relic and people feel the urge to adorn it in all possible ways, regardless of notions like common sense, utility, aesthetics and so on. Everything is good if it relates to the Almighty iPod, no matter how silly or laughable it may be. We've seen the splash-proof iPod accessory and then the splash-proof iPod itself. Now other players have become really submersible and soon I guess that a fully submersible iPod will be as well available.
Let's face it: who the f**k would go swimming and listen at the same time? Or would you wear the iPod's earbuds while in the shower? Has a 5-10 minute shower become impossible without the iPod? I pity you, people!
Next in line is the iPod dock: since people who can't shower will need their iPods about everywhere, audio gear everywhere started to feature the omni-present iPod features to allow connection between the gizmo and the gear. Lamps have iPod connection as well as all sorts of hi-end wannabe gear; all of a sudden I was facing the following thought patterns: "wow, it has an iPod dock, wow, this is so cool and so futuristic... let's buy it!" People, wake up, what's wrong with you? Suddenly you change from buying a serious Logitech piece of equipment to a "Quiang-Jing" (sorry China, but that's the way it is... and you know I'm right) just for the "wow, it has that iPod stuff"? Pathetic, really!
Anyway, should things have stopped here maybe I would have never felt the need to write these words. But hell, no: people really like crapping around in search of the ultimate iPod accessory. Harder shells for the iPods have had metal shells for themselves: can you imagine the crappiness? A hard shell covered by a harder one... how cooler can things go? Well, they actually can go way cooler!
Since some idiots got killed because they did not hear a bus closing in and were splattered all over the street while crossing the road happily (or at least attempting to). Well, people saw that iPod can also get you killed if anyone is dumb enough to crank up the volume in total disregard of the (highly) urban traffic conditions, they have "invented" some speakers which strap to the shoulders of the T-shirt so the iPod user hears the large bus speeding on the road and maybe avoids get smashed. The rest of the people said: "Wow, these speakers are cool! We definitely have to buy some!" and if this isn't already ridiculous, I can hardly wait for the first of the above to die in some other stupid way. Well, that would be truly "iPod-esque"!
Combine once more wearables and iPod and get the ultimate redneck-gear: the iPod purse/bag/wallet or however you want to call it! I mean, how fashion-addict must anyone be such as to get out of the house with a whore-like looking bag and show it off while the attached iPod "blasts" lousy sounds from some lousy 2" speakers? Has all sense of ridicule vanished? Has all common need for usefulness died or even worse - has it been murdered?
And don't get me wrong: I have nothing against the producers of such horrible gear. "It's the one who pays the money, not the one who asks for it" and this principle is here stronger than elsewhere. Should people not spend 25 to 75 bucks on useless crap, the producers would obviously stop from making it, right? But since there are enough buyers who like to pay for s**t, why not even make it even more expensive?
Now, at the end of all this, I am thinking about the day when I will write about the release of the first vibrating iPod, loaded either with moan-tracks or with other crap like this, in sweet, kinky colors, for use intended for both sexes... it's then when I'll buy some newly-released iPod socks or whatever most ridiculous crap I'll find available.
Note: I have nothing against iPods but I really smile in pity for those who have made it "god": try Iriver :)
