My Momma Taught Me Not to Flash or Suck. Oops...

Needed any more proof that Paris Hilton is a dumb, talentless woman with hardly any sense of reality and with a lot of nerve on top of it? Oh, and did I mention she's in permanent and constant denial of her own personal value – as a human being and as... ahem, a professional? I was pretty sure I had you convinced on the "dumb" part – I mean, we're talking about the lady who believes stepping into urine will give you AIDS – but I have a feeling you're in need of a good laugh, so here I am with more news. And by news I mean the constant, never-ending revelations that Paris Hilton manages to give me.

For example, Paris really thinks that she can act. Not only does she think that, but she also confessed that she hired an acting coach (and a famous one for all that) to help her deal with the hardships of acting. So now, Paris thinks she's some sort of acting guru, and is quite keen to share her views on the matter with whoever is willing to listen. And boy, are we listening! I mean, how can we miss all the silly nonsense that comes out of Paris' mouth? "If it’s a scene where I have to get upset, I’ll think of a past person. I’ll think of something in my life, use it in the scene, and it really works" she says. Wow, was it really that easy? What have you done, Paris – you spilled the secret and now the whole world will know that being a good actor is simply a question of thinking of how you were dumped by your first boyfriend in primary school and using that to channel all your grief and frustration. If only we knew how simple it was...

Apparently, Paris' mother also takes part of the blame... I mean, credit for the way her daughter turned out. "That was definitely the way that we were raised by my mom. She always taught us to be polite. We had the best manners, so I’ve kept them... 'Put your shoulders back and don’t chew gum.' My mom has always been really supportive", Paris states. Yes, well, of course her mom taught her not to chew gum. You know that cliché about chewing gum and thinking at the same time? That's your confirmation right there. "She’s one of my best friends. And she’s just always told me to stay the same and stay the sweet girl I’ve always been since I was little and not let any of the Hollywood stuff get to my head, and you’ll leave a good karma". Stay the same? Don't let Hollywood get to her head? Looks like little Paris has been a naughty little girl. No word on what her mommy taught her regarding vagina flashes and drug taking – but we'll get back to you as soon as the news comes out.


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