Paris Needs a New Friend to Sex...I Mean, Love

Now, this is a good one. Everyone, take out your hankies and a box of tissues, and let's all shed a tear for poor, old, lonely Paris Hilton – a woman who is so classy and has so much style that she managed to make the world hate her simply because she makes everyone else look ugly and stupid. She is the essence of beauty and wisdom – if only we all stopped hating on her! The troublesome reality is that this wonderful creature that goes by the name of the soon-to-be-ex-Hilton-heiress is forced to face the hardships of life all alone, because no one in Hollywood is daring or classy enough to be her best friend forever. So, what's an attention-seeking yet materialistic and sweet girl to do? Why, of course – star in a reality TV show and buy... that is, find a best friend.

Yes, reality TV is all the rage these days, as we all know it by now. And it makes perfect sense to turn to such a reality show in order to "find" a friend instead of wondering what it is about your own character that pushes people away... NOT. I mean really, Paris probably thought long and hard about this one. This is Paris logic and reasoning at its best. Problem: Paris has no friends. Why is that, you think? Well, the answer is obvious to someone as narcissistic and as self-obsessed as Miss Hilton, and I'm sure she believes she has no one to trust because people hate her and envy her. For hew never-ending streak of qualities, of course. Well, how about the fact that she's shallow, annoying, insecure and a backstabbing idiot who only cares about her own needs? No, it couldn't possibly be something like that.

Paris' search for a best friend will be broadcast either by MTV or by VH1. "The show is going to be about her searching for a new best friend. Paris is tired of the haters and she's looking for someone new. She's looking for someone new and cool who she can trust. The new show is going to be full of good chick drama and you will see a side of Paris not seen on Simple Life" a source stated for Us weekly. Good chick drama? Oh, boy, this sounds bad. I have a feeling Paris will end up in bed exchanging bodily fluids with her new "best friend". Just think – how interesting will that make her look? OK, now what did I have to think about that so early in the morning? I guess I'll be skipping lunch today, then...


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