Mimi Is a "Freakin' Prude"

Mariah Carey took advantage... that is, was there to help when Janet Jackson was struck down by an infamous bout of flu, and filled in for her fellow diva on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, where she performed two singles - her freshly released "Touch My Body" and another single off her "E=MC2" album, called "Migrate". Don't allow yourselves to be deceived: when I say "she performed", I actually mean she lip-synched the whole performance and as an added bonus, had the brilliant idea to actually touch herself every time she pretended to sing the words "touch my body". I know, really imaginative.

For those of you who think that lip-synching your appearance on a show that has the word "live" in the title is slightly ironic, you can check out the embedded clip below and you'll understand what I mean. Mimi didn't mind so much, though. She strutted her stuff and pretended to sing while rooted to the spot, moving her arms around a lot and sporting a barely-there short-short skirt. And still, Mariah continues to declare herself stunned at the public's overall perception of her charms. "I understand that people think I'm a ditzy moron", she stated in an interview for Allure magazine. "It's a dichotomy, I understand", she adds. I didn't know Mariah Carey actually knew what "dichotomy" means, but kudos to her for bringing it up anyway.

"I have three personal assistants just to keep up with my schedule", she stated, thus conceding to admit she may have some trouble keeping track of the things that go on around her. She also denies ever having had one night stands or being in any way immoral. "I'm Mary Poppins: I'm what the buttoned-up girls are supposed to be. I'm a freakin' prude", she reveals. I don't think using Mary Poppins as a term for comparison was actually a good idea, given that as far as I can remember, the resourceful nanny with the mysterious umbrella was actually quite graceful in her own right. Oh, and I suspect she could also sing live. You see, big difference.